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» Little Moments of Joy

I maintain that there is no better non-sexual feeling than coming in from the cold and wet, discarding your besodden articles and slipping on a pair of clean, dry socks - it's just fucking marvellous.

Thank fuck I discovered masturbation, otherwise I'd just be doing that all day long instead I mean no I don't masturbate all day...
(Tue 28th Jan 2014, 15:34, More)

» Little Moments of Joy

'Fail' videos on YouTube
Don't get me wrong; in order to find something good, you first have to wade through a vast tide of shit. A poonami, if you will. (bindun, surely)
Most of them fall into the following categories:

- 'oops i failed at doing a simple thing' - Yes you did. Not funny though.
- 'oops my dumb idea didn't pan out' - No it didn't. See above.

The ones I crave a beautiful moments of sheer happenstance and simple elegance. Actions that were dumb to begin with, but turned into something greater than hopes and dreams dared to tread.

Some examples include:

- Two men face each other with linked hands, as if to catch someone falling. Man 3 then conveniently falls onto their linked hands, dragging them down and making them headbutt each other.

- A remote-control buggy is being drive around a skate park with a bowl; like a hole, but with rounded sides you can skate up and down on. The car zooms up the side, hops off the edge and hits a kid square in the man package.

- A man launches a 4-foot wide glider in a country field. The plane leaves his hand, soars up into the air... does a complete 180 and disintegrates against a gate, a mere 4 feet from where it was launched. The whole ordeal lasts about 3 seconds, not including the pilot's dumbstruck silent stare.

Of course, these things have to be seen rather than described. Is it worth watching hours of people falling through roofs or laughing because they didn't expect to slip on a platform of solid cunting ice?

Yes, it is. In fact, I would argue that the effort makes the reward all the sweeter.
(Tue 28th Jan 2014, 17:22, More)

» Break-up Stories

Madness, I tells ya
At the tender age of 18 I was seeing someone - not quite bf/gf, but definitely some copious face contact - who I decided to break things off with.

What I meant to convey to the dumpee was "I'm going away to university in a few months, I don't see a long-distance relationship working out. In no way do I want this to reflect badly on you.".

What I actually did was pretended to be mad. I may have even quoted a certain Shakespearean line about a nunnery.

Over MSN.

God's balls I was a wee shit back then.
(Tue 17th Sep 2013, 12:05, More)

» Hidden talents

I can whistle the little trumpet tune the Lurpak man used to do.

(Wed 23rd Apr 2014, 13:02, More)