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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE90: "BEFORE I KNEW IT, I WAS ALMOST BALD"

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This Week:
* SITE - Crap Hair Cut
* PHOTOS - Sock Fucking
* VIDEO - Soaking People

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____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web ... together"

B3ta email 90 - 30 May 2003

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue90/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Haircuts, Lunch, Socks, Water Pistols & Weebl
 
  >> Crap Haircut <<
  Ah Dogbomb. He's been contributing to b3ta
  for a while. And now? He's cut his hair.
  Yeah yeah, sounds dull. But the joy is in
  the detail and what a bad job he's made of it.
  http://www.dogbomb.co.uk/20030529-haircut/


  >> Email Lunchboxes <<
  It's nice to able to email someone a picture
  you found on the web. But have you ever felt
  that the thing missing was the ability to wrap
  the image up in a lunchbox? That's what the
  Mantlepies guys think. Works best if you know
  how fiddle with image URLs.
http://www.mantlepies.com/Ecards/Ecards.html


  >> Sock Fucking <<
  Remember the Red Hot Chilli Peppers "cocks
  in socks" poster? Did you want to join in?
  Now you can thanks to Steve's site. Warning:
  nerdy blokes wearing socks on their cocks.
http://cgi.fucksocks.co.uk/?pid=erk&location=sockfucker/index.html


  >> Soaking Pedestrians <<
  "We decided it would be a good idea to purchase
  a super soaker," writes Obscure Intro, "and drive
  around squirting people, of course we caught it
  all on film and here it is..." Hmmm. Can't you
  get arrested for this? BTW: There's a lot of
  video here. The last one on the second page
  made our heart pound.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1261860


  >> Weebl & Bob Papier Maché <<
  If you've been reading b3ta for a while you'll
  know all about the Weebl & Bob cartoons. Rob
  Nyman is a fan and has shown his love by
  building models of their stars. He did it all
  himself, without any help from the grown-ups.
http://www.nottingham.ac.uk/~ppxran/weebl/index.html


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: OFFICE CUNT CORNER
  Bad lyrics

  Mugwump Lee writes -

  "This is a showcase website for the fantastic
  lyric-writing of one Will Van Der Byl. It is
  actually for real, we work in the same office.
  Although he doesn't know that everyone in the
  building has seen it, laughed at it, formed
  ironic fan-clubs etc. Oh, and the bike isn't
  his."
http://www.freewebz.com/vanderbyl/a.htm

  BTW: Has some twat in your office got a
  cringe-making website that makes him look
  a total dickhead? Tell us and we might
  just tell the world.


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Convert Your Cock Into A Vagina <<
  Boys! The thing you've been waiting for: now
  you can have a vagina of your own and pee
  sitting down. Icky and expensive. Just like
  the real thing.
http://www.castlesupplys.com/newframe/pocketv.htm


  >> Database Your Gay Shags <<
  Let's say you are a promiscuous gay man. Think
  of the trouble you'd have remembering all your
  shags. Thank fuck someone has made an incredibly
  anal database to handle it all. Complete with
  a checkbox for rimming. How handy.
http://www.tekknick.com/itrick/


  >> How Dodgy Are You? <<
  Now you can find out how many years in jail
  your guilty past would buy you. As these
  things go, it's rather entertaining. We
  belong in prison for a long, long time.
  But then we already knew that.
http://www.thesite.org/magazine/dodgy.html


  >> Jap Sitcom "nigger" Fest <<
  We've been trying to link to this item for
  weeks but it's so popular that the site
  keeps going down. It's a Japanese TV show
  about a family obsessed with the word "nigger"
  Too ridiculous to be considered rascism, but
  certainly in questionable taste. If this
  link doesn't work try Kazaa. It's worth it.
http://fredwick.com/files/tokyo_breakfast.asx


  >> The Most Disturbing Conversation of my life <<
  Tucker Max. Heard of him? You should have. He's
  one of the few people out there writing
  genuinely entertaining copy on the web. It
  mostly involves him getting drunk and
  shagging. This one is a lovely little chat in
  a gay bar. Click around a bit. He's funny.
http://tuckermax.com/Stories/conversation.htm


  >> Titanium Fansite <<
  The web is a place for fans to live out
  their geeky fandom. And also a place for
  us to laugh at it. To you or me titanium
  is the stuff that swanky laptops are made
  of. Sample quote: "I have been a fan of the
  metal ever since I heard of its important
  uses in industry, such as its high
  melting point." Fucking hell. The best bit
  is the guestbook. Look-see!
http://titaniumfansite.4t.com/fsguestbook.html


  >> "I fortold Christina Aguilera" <<
  C'mon. The going's good. Let's laugh at more
  net nutters. This one thinks his wank
  fantasy art inspired songstress Christina
  Aguilera. And the joke is? It looks nothing
  like her. Webtard.
http://www.artoflawmack.com/poster_girl.htm


  >> Techno Wanks <<
  We all love wanking and what could be better
  than doing it without fingers? Why not plug
  your muffin into this device and get with
  the groove?
http://www.audi-oh.com/Store/default.asp


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: 15 SECONDS OF STUPID
  Short anims from b3ta people

  >> Cows with no legs <<
  Weebl has been on holiday for the last few
  weeks - and do you know the first thing
  he did on his return? He animated cows with
  no legs. Strange little fellow.
http://195.149.21.55/misc/clow.swf


  >> Exam lucky charm <<
  Spacefish has been taking exams. Instead of
  revising he's made a short song to send
  to his friends and inspire them to do well.
  Crap but charming.
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/flash/facts.html


  >> Headbutt the screen <<
  RoboticLegs has made this tiny interactive
  toy. You can make a man headbutt the screen.
  by dragging with your mouse. Oddly satisfying.
http://www.alittlepoison.com/comment/archives/chrishorrorreel.swf


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Wogan's Wig Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted the adventures of Terry
  Wogan's Wig:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/wogan/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'HP' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  HP writes -

  #1 "Terry's wig went to San Francisco - The
     fabulous babe magnet that is Terry as a 
     rampant homosexual is nice enough, but
     this is wonderfully executed too. (Tart Monkey) 
http://b3ta.com/board/1286772

  #2 "Woganberry - A truly awful pun with some
     nice, simple, back to basics photoshopping.
     (Marioshi)
http://b3ta.com/board/1273068

  #3 "Specialist head wear for our Terry - What is
     this? It makes no sense, but it's fantastic."
     (skankycode)
http://b3ta.com/board/1254491


  >> This Weeks Challenge <<

  This week, the scary Challenge Dictator gave us
  the suggestion, "Bad Song, Worse Movie":
http://b3ta.com/challenge/badsongworsemovie/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * WANK HOLIDAY MONDAY II - "100k visitors so
    far," writes Nik Roope, "Also our second wank
    holiday is now on June the 9th." Yay for not
    wanking.
http://www.wankholidaymonday.co.uk


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include:

  * INTERVIEW WITH A PLUSHIE - Do you fuck
    soft toys? Have you got photos of your
    doing so? Do you fancy being interviewed
    and mocked? Get in touch.

  * CAT FISH SCREENSAVER - "My 6 yr old boy is
    engrossed by all things gnarly." writes Lou,
    "He loves your sea creatures screensaver
    and requests a new version with animated
    dogfish / catfish, as he doesn't quite get
    the whole they are a fish, but a dog thing."
    Make a small boy's dream come true. Here's
    the old one:
http://www2.b3ta.com/screensaver/

  * LEGO SEX AIDS - well we've had everything
    else. Surely Lego strap-ons are the next
    step.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.

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  THANKS: 

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Elliott Solomon, Nicholas.Axtell
  Steven Lord, Jez, Ashley Ringrose & Follymoff.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the singing b4ta dwarfs. (66976)

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