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NEWSLETTER: "OMG THEY WANT TO START CHARGING FOR B3TA PUT THIS IN UR STATUS THIS IS SERIOUS"

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This Week:
* ITV - "loves" video games
* LLAMAS - cutest font ever
* FOREIGN - Top YouTube LOLs in other countries

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're selling off     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     your kittens 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 498 - 30 Sept 2011

Read this issue in braille by poking holes in paper:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue498/

       Subbuteo:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Unsubbuteo:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Joypad for Android phone / iPhone

  Playing games on your smartphone is all very
  good but if you try playing anything with an
  onscreen emulated keyboard you're utterly
  fucked - the experience is rubbish. That's why
  you need iControlPad. It's made by Craig
  Rothwell, an old-school b3tan who was behind
  importing the GP32s years ago. Works a treat
  with TurboGrafx emulators on the Android. Go on,
  buy one before your retrogaming nipples go soft.
http://www.icontrolpad.com/


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us. We don't bite
  unless that's what you want to pay us for.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Cats, Shopping, ITV and Murder

  >> webuyanycat.com <<
  "So, you're no longer smitten with your kitten.
  You've had enough of your bundle of fluff..."
  begins Cats4Gold. "That's why, in a moment of
  warped inspiration, we created webuyanycat.com –
  the cat buying service that's so good, it's
  unreal."
http://www.webuyanycat.com/


  >> Late Night Shopping 3 <<
  "Well sexy," brags Weebl, who has a crush on the
  supermarket checkout girl. We'd describe this as
  dubstep, if we could agree on what that is.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Late_Night_Shopping_3


  >> ITV Luvs Video Games <<
  Nice little spoof by dogfood, ripping the piss
  out of ITV, who recently got caught out
  including computer game footage in one of their
  documentaries. Doh. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/ITV_Luvs_Video_Games


  >> Murderer's Gardener's World <<
  "Titchmarsh goes off his tits," explains
  liambauckham of this peculiarly sinister Sunday
  afternoon programming.
http://goo.gl/xua5E


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  B3ta fixes the world

  We asked for your most over-simplified, ill
  thought through instant fixes for society. We
  got some lovely, silly ideas and some full on
  ranty rants that we're still reeling from:
http://b3ta.com/questions/fixtheworld/

  * SERIOUS, RADICAL CHANGE - "All your ideas for
  fixing the world are well-meaning, but
  ultimately naïve. The world will be improved by
  them in certain cosmetic respects, but the big
  problems will remain unaddressed. What the world
  needs is a genuine vision. Something that will
  shake it to the core, raze it and start again. A
  radical change. Epoch-making. Tectonic. We must
  rebuild the world in such a way as to mean that
  the old world is not just a memory; it must not
  be a memory at all. We must prepare for
  something cataclysmic. Nothing else will do. And
  if we examine the darkest and deepest recesses
  of our collective souls, we know what form this
  cataclysm must take. Friends, B3tans, lurkers,
  all. There is no time to hesitate. Now is the
  time for action. The label must be redesigned so
  that it actually fits bottles of Angostura
  bitters." (Enzyme)
	 
  * STEP, STEP, BOINGY - "Trampolines that look
  like paving slabs hidden in the pavement. Just
  to keep people alert. I for one would arrive at
  work 75% happier if I had accidentally done a
  somersault on my way in." (PERSONALITY HORSE)
	 
  * OOH! AAH! AARGH! - "Make fireworks dangerous
  again. Over the years there’s been lots of rule
  changes to make fireworks safer and safer. Fuck
  that. If the kids in my street are going to keep
  me awake for most of October and November, I at
  least want the satisfaction of knowing that some
  of the little scrotes have blown their fingers
  off, or at least lost an eye." (Ring Of Fire)


  >> This Week's Question - Crap Gadgets <<
  Our power adapter drawer stands testament to
  the sheer number of crappy electric doodads
  we've thought were the best thing ever for,
  ooh, a week. Tell us about your own:
http://b3ta.com/questions/crapgadgets/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Say it with llamas <<
  A font. Made of llamas. Does what it says on the
  tin. Assuming the tin says, "makes lamas" on it.
http://llamafont.com/


  >> Goatse as Industrial Sabotage <<
  @TovHarris writes, "Can you put this in the
  B3ta newsletter please?" Oh go on then, we love
  a left-wing politically-motivated goatse theory.
http://t.co/dNYEDsOA


  >> What was "mummy brown"? <<
  You see that pre-Raphaelite painting? A bit
  brown, isn't it? Guess how they made the brown.
  MUMMY BROWN IS DEAD PEOPLE. Really.
http://is.gd/VVFHVe


  >> Want to see your home destroyed? <<
  Type your address in here. Clever google map
  stuff only slightly ruined by a naff US-style
  postbox. Warning: it's probably an ad for
  something but just so the advertising doesn't
  work, it's probably an ad for something shit.
http://www.chaosinyourtown.com


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like radio with fuzzy pictures

  >> Let's Be Careful Out There <<
  Cop Rock was a 90s police drama by legendary
  Hill Street Blues producer Steven Bochco. The
  twist being that it was a musical, played
  completely straight. Yeah. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9qR8sgd-Nc


  >> Thunder LOLcats <<
  Memes are totally over - tell your friends.
  Thundercats parody larded with an infinity of
  silly internet in-jokes. You'll love it or hate
  it. Or love it AND hate it.
http://www.youtu.be/O0dj-xdg_FY


  >> Puerile apple fun <<
  Watch the ad, while repeatedly pressing '6' on
  your keyboard. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
http://bit.ly/rajFEC


  >> Juggalos speak their minds <<
  Great documentary, as a bloke takes his camera
  round the annual gathering of hardcore Insane
  Clown Posse fans. A glimpse into somewhere
  genuinely odd.
http://vimeo.com/29589320


  >> Say No to Suicide <<
  Heartfelt bit of stuff from Scroobius Pip.
  Although, to be fair, we thought the whole
  *point* of suicide is to make your family sad.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Crikey:5


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Three Frame Movie' Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to use your powers of
  editing to make jokes out of films.

  Our favourites included:
 
  * ET - possibly with Eliot played by the young
  George Osborne. (Lord Kronos)
http://b3ta.com/board/10545574

  * PLANET OF THE APES - crazy monkey sex has
  consequences. (Puromycin)
http://b3ta.com/board/10545000

  * BIG - Tom Hanks grows up. (Monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/10548768

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/threeframes/


  >> New challenge: Unlikely film merchandise <<
  Merchandise for films that normally wouldn't
  have merchandise. The Last Tango in Paris Butter
  Dish, Se7ev Happy Meal Jack in a Box. Titanic
  bath toy. Oh you can do better, and that's why
  this is a challenge.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/mechandiseforunlikelyfilms/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * FORIEGN FUNNIES - @mikenco suggests, "Use
  Google translate. Translate the word 'funny' (or
  whatever) into another language. Paste that word
  into Youtube. E.g. this is what comes up for
  'funny' in Arabic."
http://t.co/FAYaPJBc 

  * WHAT B3TA'S CAL DID NEXT - looks utterly
  amazing too.
http://t.co/a3PiPO7q


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
  Still about as funny as cancer

  * BEST TYPO EVER - until the next best typo ever.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/best_typo_ever
  

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * iPHONES TO BE WATERPROOF - our £5 Casio
  digital watch is. FFS Apple, sort it out.

  * MEAT JAM - boil up a fuckload of sausages,
  sugar and pectin. Surely this would be
  delicious. 

  * A VERSION OF TWITTER FOR 80 CHAR TWEETS - we
  haven't got the attention span anymore.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @SirDoofusStyles,
  acroline, webade, olderandwider, pieceoplastic,
  @andygoulding, danabnormal, finnbar &
  annefgreaves.  Top Tippery by fluffybunnykiller.
  Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser
  Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Sujlols by AD7.  

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  TOP TIP:
  Convince friends and family that you are gay by
  frequently denying it.

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