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This Week:
* LEONARD NIMOY - on Laser Discs
* NEWSPAPER - Trolling from fun
* VIDEO - Rocket test footage 

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "We're mostly eating  
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     hobnobs... together"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|      

B3ta email 477 - 6 May 2011

Stick this issue in your eyes and scream:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue477/

        Friends:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
       Haters:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Family Guy jokes

  Do you like jokes? Are you stuck for something
  funny to stick as your status on Facebook? Help
  is at hand, thanks Family Guy
http://sickjok.es/jE5srb


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Rockets, Waxworks, Royals

  >> Rocket test footage <<
  "Hi dude!" booms Joel Veitch. "I done a rocket
  test thingy innit! Rocket... Man...
  doobedeeedoobeeedoobedooo!" Joel has been
  dabbling with some exciting and dangerous things
  lately and this handily covers all bases. 
http://goo.gl/pVD4M


  >> Madame Tussauds NIGHTS <<
  "Hiya B3ta!" exclaims Pete Donaldson, for it is
  he. "I made a promo video for Madame Tussauds
  NIGHTS." An after-hours waxworks service for
  consenting adults. Wipe-clean fun.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7DR2XlqoaU


  >> "I trolled our local paper" <<
  "Got some thinly-veiled smut in our local rag
  with my home made royal wedding tee shirt,"
  brags baldmonkey. "Sadly, the newspaper cutting
  cunningly hides the EXCELLENT and CLASSY display
  behind my bulky form. Interestingly, the quotes
  there from my wife are entirely made up. They
  also asked which bit of the wedding we found
  most exciting and we said when they left the
  church because that's when we thought the
  terrorist snipers would get them."
http://goo.gl/mtVbm


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: Sponsored Coxy T-Shirts 
  
  Does particle physics give you a hadron? Do you
  love Cox? Want Moore? Donít know what we are
  talking about? Check out our latest t-shirts at
  ShotDead and get 10% off with the code B3TA.
http://bit.ly/bQoyBS


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Winning

  Last week we wanted to know what you'd won,
  however sadly small. Scroll down to the story
  of the six-year-old who won a tumble drier:
http://b3ta.com/questions/winning/

  * "Back when we lived in a small house with no
  storage space - not even big enough to swing our
  cat. Oh, the irony. We won a competition.
  Imagine my joy to get a knock at the door one
  morning to take delivery of:
     * 300 x tins of Whiskas
     * 50 x cartons of kitten milk
     * 100 x Pouches of wet food
     * Some cat treats/toys

   ...and 52 x 5kg bags of cat litter. A QUARTER
   OF A TONNE of fucking cat litter. What the fuck
   did they think we owned? Lions with IBS?"
   (tinpixel)

  * "I was about 6, at the school sports day. I
  decided to enter the egg and spoon race. I can't
  tell this one that well, so you'll have to
  imagine Murray Walker doing it instead: "And
  it's go, go, go! They're barreling down towards
  the first corner... And Flap Burger takes the
  lead! Pedal to the metal, flat out! Nearly at
  the finish line now... And... WHAT IS HE DOING?"
  That's right, ladies and gents. I assumed the
  tape crossing the finish line was intended to
  mark out some kind of construction site, and ran
  right around it. What a fucking mong." (Flap
  Burger)
	 
  * "My best mate works at Jewsons. Yesterday, May
  the 4th, he was asked by his yard manager to
  contact the sand people about a delivery. The
  sand people. On May the 4th. He got to tell him,
  "There's no-one there at the moment, but they'll
  soon be back, and in greater numbers." (Darth
  Foxtrot)


  >> This Week's Question: Police 2 <<
  In a week when the UK police have been arresting
  people for dressing as zombies, it seems
  appropriate to collect more of your own dealings
  with these fine people. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/police2/


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: Sponsored linky fag time

  Give up, without giving up. Finally a real
  alternative to traditional cigarettes. JACVapour
  e-cigarettes. As used by real smokers. Use
  exclusive code: B3TA1 at checkout to receive 20%
  off starter kits.
http://tinyurl.com/3upsg9b


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Amusing stickers on the Central Line <<
  How long before the Met arrest this lot -
  clearly dangerous subversives.
http://bit.ly/kxt7Wn


  >> Stolen camera finder <<
  A search tool that looks for photos taken by
  your camera (after it's been stolen of course)
  that have been uploaded to the web. Wonder if it
  can be abused? Say you get a photo taken by a
  celeb from their twitter account - maybe you can
  then work out what other photos they've taken
  and aren't admitting to?
http://www.stolencamerafinder.com/intro.jsp


  >> Is Jesus tougher than Batman? <<
  A facebook debate that's funnier than it sounds.
http://goo.gl/K0cw7


  >> Hide the Bible <<
  If we were rich enough to visit hotels we'd know
  that they often have bibles lurking in the
  bedrooms. These guys like to hide them, probably
  because Christians are fat and need the exercise.
http://hidethebible.tumblr.com/


  >> BBC's royal wedding 'bridesmaid action' <<
  "If you zoom down the official vehicle convoy to
  the last horse-drawn carriage..." sweats Paul
  "Yes, there's Kate's sis, with what looks to me
  like a footman with his white gloved hand on her
  boob... Or maybe I need to get out more." You
  decide - zoomable picture here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-13200114


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH

  1. The Dentist
  2. R Kelly
  3. Pirates


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like TV but on a less comfy chair

  >> Laser Discs, Spock and a talking rock <<
  Possibly the best informercial we have seen for
  many years - a fabulous piece of promo crap
  where Nimoy introduces the world of Magnavision
  Laserdisc home entertainment with the help of a
  talking rock. Nimoy looks wrinkly but rapey,
  sporting tight, white slacks and a porn
  moustache, while a close up on his hands reveals
  neatly-manicured nails painted with clear
  varnish.
http://youtu.be/s4pBk3-fduU


  >> Trippy <<
  We were given a Newton's Cradle - one of those
  retro "executive toys" with swinging silver
  spheres on bits of wire - for Christmas last
  year. We enjoyed playing with it so much we
  broke it. Seeing this video makes us want
  another one. And a large bag of mushrooms.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Trippy:4


  >> Best music video ever <<
  Part Peter Jackson Braindead pastiche, part
  Nighty Night, part Crouching Tiger, Hidden
  Dragon, part a-million-and-one other brilliant
  things, this has to be the most genius music
  video ever. It's totally joyful.
http://goo.gl/c0Pjv


  >> Something to send to your dorky chums <<
  A simple message for people who can't help
  banging on about things and spoiling other
  people's fun into the bargain. Watch and learn.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Its_ok


  >> Teasing Your Dog <<
  Teasing your pet dog is a mean thing to do but
  this guy does it especially well and gives the
  dog a funny voice. Great canine ear-work too.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/This_guy_is_an_expert


  >> Farm Fresh Girl <<
  Crazy, mad girl art that repels and fascinates
  in equal measure. We enjoyed its demented
  intensity and liked the way the images critiqued
  the message of the song. Arty, mad-as-badgers
  feminists FTW.  
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Farm_Fresh_Girl


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Royal Wedding Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to celebrate Kate &
  Will's great big posh day.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * SHARE - whatever you say about the Royal
  Family, they keep it in the family (E Dubya)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10404577

  * NEIGHBOURS - the happy couple, spookily
  recreated as celebrated Aussie pair (benito
  vaselini)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10404731

  * GINGER - royal rumour subtly depicted
  (Chunkmiester)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10406124

 All these images, and the highest as voted by you
 can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/royalwedding/


  >> New challenge: Unexpected Bad Guys <<
  With bin Laden out of the way, the media needs a
  new monster to keep us from sleeping. So pick
  someone unexpected to fill the shoes of terror
  maestro number one. Then show them at work.
  Challenge suggested by HappyToast
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/unexpected-evil/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * CHARITY FUNDRAISING ROBOT DON-8r - is now
  finished. "This video is a more refined version
  of the user testing recently featured in the
  newsletter," informs Timmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
  "All the interaction is unscripted and genuine.
  My final hand-in / presentation for Uni is
  tomorrow and this video is one of the
  deliverables so hoping this goes down well!"

  This cute little robot beggar will soon make the
  homeless redundant.
http://goo.gl/Gdf5b


  * MORE BARCODE MOVIES STUFF - alby, "Saw the
  link to the movie barcode tumblr in this week's
  newsletter. A while ago I wrote some
  instructions on how to make your own."
http://wordpress.mrreid.org/moviebarcode/


  * A CURE FOR HAYFEVER THAT WORKS - pitarou
  writes, "That would be allergen immunotherapy
  you want. I learned about this when I taught
  English to Japanese medical researchers.
  Basically, your doctor injects you with
  ever-increasing doses of grass pollen extract
  and, after a few years, you're cured.  It's
  common in Europe, but it never really caught on
  in the UK.  There are some risks (like dying)
  but it works. P.S. Please don't tell the wife
  about this.  She loves cats.  I hate them.  If
  she ever gets wind that there's a cure for my
  cat allergy...."
http://bit.ly/7CXjWH


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Strategery

  We've bought one of those swanky iPad 2 things,
  because although we can't afford to eat, we're
  still addicted to the tech pouring out of China.
  Anyway, massive thumbs up to the iPad
  Garageband, with which we wrote 5 songs in one
  day sitting in our pants on the bed. Also
  horribly addicted to the Dice Wars / Risk game
  Strategery. Seeing little board pieces when we
  close our eyes addicted.


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * LIKEWARS - ilovesecretagents writes, "Since
  most things on Facebook can be "liked", wouldn't
  it be interesting to find out how much more
  likeable something is compared to something else
  by using just the facebook likes? For example,
  did you know Alton Towers is 2x as likeable than
  Dizzee Rascal? Cheryl Cole is 5.2x more likeable
  than Jesus?"

  * BIGGEST NEWTON'S CRADLE EVER - set up with 16
  massive cranes over the building site in Kings
  Cross.

  * WORLD'S SMALLEST ROLLER COASTER - built from
  Lego and with a hamster in it.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Joe Scaramanga,
  DaveExclamationMark, Dr Preference,
  Hellzapoppin, Hellzapoppin, bananaprince,
  Stashie and jakedamusss. Top Tippery by
  sandettie light vessel automatic. Additional
  linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Subjlols via The
  Great Architect.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Using one of those syringes that are used to
  administer Calpol medicine to babies, it's
  possible to collect all of your semen at the
  point of ejaculation without any going astray.
  This has the added benefit of being able to
  measure how much came out. However, be careful
  not to stumble with it in your hand, as you may
  inadvertently give yourself a facial.

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