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NEWSLETTER: SOMETHING SOMETHING FOOTBALL LOL!

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"SOMETHING SOMETHING FOOTBALL LOL!"
This Week:
* TROUSERS - No hands pants dance
* HORROR - Chinchap I Love You
* TONGUES - Cute animals stick them out

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're cooking up
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     shit lols
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       ... together"

B3ta email 432 - 11 Jun 2010

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue432/

       Friends:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
     Enemies:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Buy this football t-shirt

  Geeks! Cure your social phobia by buying a
  football shirt, visiting a local pub & when
  someone mentions football reply, "Oh yeah -
  tell me more."
http://bit.ly/d3gRPP 

  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than poo and wee

  >> No hands pants dance <<
  kingafkong demonstrates his amazing Norwegian
  technique of pulling up trousers! Nice intro.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/No_hands_pants_dance


  >> Mitchell & Webb animation <<
  Big respect to Scrambled Edd, who has landed a
  gig animating stuff for BBC comic duo Mitchell
  & Webb. "Check it out and stuff," he proudly
  beams.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clips/p0087j80


  >> Guess the band from phone footage <<
  "People filming with their phones aloft and
  watching the gig through the lens is now a
  universal sight at gigs," explains Monkeon. But
  can you even guess which act you're watching
  from this incredibly poor-quality footage?
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/camerashake/


  >> I Love You Chinchap! <<
  "This is a beautiful love song!" claims Joel
  Veitch. "Fallopia loves Chinchap! Chinchap
  loves Fallopia! What a wonderful world this
  truly is!" Frightening, repellant and, thus, we
  loved it.  
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Love_You_Chinchap


  >> Sexual Congress <<
  "Which US politician is most attractive?" asks
  Tom Scott. Find out, with this political 'Hot
  or Not'.
http://tomscott.com/congress/


  >> Twitter ransom note generator <<
  Quick recipe for Twitter success - make your
  icon a letter of the alphabet and it'll be used
  for a web-based toy like this one from Mr.
  Chickenuts. Lie back and watch people flock to
  follow your updates about mediocre London
  comedy nights.
http://abbandunne.com/ransom/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Caught!

  There's some hard lessons to be learnt when you
  get caught doing something you shouldn't.
  Luckily none of you learnt them, meaning
  there's loads of stories this week. Go read
  nimrodihnio's lovely attempt at winding up a
  cold call from Scottish Energy that got taken
  far too seriously:
http://b3ta.com/questions/caught/

  * SUCKER FISH - "The lovely Jessie was always
  pretending to spot something behind me and
  using the distraction to steal my
  food/sweets/beer. It was a standing joke
  between us, mainly because I always fell for
  it. One Sunday we were in a Chinese restaurant,
  and she suddenly exclaimed, "Ah, that's why
  those fish look weird, they're sucker fish!" I
  craned my neck and looked at the fish tank.
  Unable to see any sucker fish and also hurting
  my neck from the angle, I swivelled round on my
  seat. "I can't see any su..." my words died off
  as I turned back round just in time to see Jess
  giggling like a loon and dropping the scalding
  hot Szechuan king prawn she'd just stolen, not
  realising that it was going to burn her mouth.
  We laughed lots at that... I realise it's lost
  something in the retelling. Fuck I miss her..."
  (Professor Kenny Martin)
     
  * STILL BELIEVE - "I used to work in a lab. I
  was on my own with the radio on. Most
  experiments I did required long incubation
  periods, so was sort of twiddling my thumbs
  during a 10 min incubation when "Hit me baby
  one more time" by Britney came on the radio. I
  was singing along when a genius thought came to
  me. I quickly filled a rubber glove with some
  helium so I could make the high notes in the
  "still believe" backing vocal. Then one of the
  professors of the department came in to ask me
  something. My voice was still squeaky-squeaky
  when I answered him." (sittingduck)
     
  * PROTOCOL DROID - "Working as a labourer in my
  teens I was given the task of making spotless
  the top floor, the first finished, of a posh
  office development in The City for inspection
  by the top brass of the developers and owners.
  I did all the heavy lifting, then got to
  hoovering. The hoover was a sort of industrial
  Henry vacuum cleaner and the floor-space
  massive. My task nearly complete in plenty of
  time, I started arsing about, walking like C3PO
  and dragging my R2-like hoover after me while
  going, "Master Luke! Master Luke! BRRR BRRT
  PHWEEE trrrr BWEEE OOOON THRIP!"... Turned
  round to see all the big nobs staring at me in
  disbelief." (twattybanjo)


  >> This Week's Question <<
  Managers get paid more than you to watch you do
  all the work. A small number of them make life
  better. The rest? Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/badmanagement/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> BP damages vs Limewire damages <<
  Moderately interesting point that BP is getting
  charged $69m for the cleanup of its oil spill.
  Meanwhile, filesharing service Limewire is
  getting sued for $1bn. Because intellectual
  property is worth more than the planet, right?
http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/06/limewire-owes-billion/
 
 
  >> The Seventeen Project <<
  A teenager engagingly and articulately blogs
  her attempt to live life according to the
  advice printed in Seventeen Magazine.
http://www.theseventeenmagazineproject.com/


  >> Liblr <<
  Liblr takes the Twitter stream and replaces one
  word with another, in the name of fun.
http://liblr.com/welcome?replace=finger&replacement=penis


  >> Facebook angry idiots <<
  The 'England flag banned' story has utterly
  enraged the country's sizeable jingoistic moron
  population, while simultaneously giving trolls
  and anti-trolls a field day. See it in action
  here.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=122717734428753


  >> The Coalition Mug <<
  Commemorate 11th May 2010, when the world
  watched young David Cameron and Nick Clegg
  plight their troth as the UK coalition
  government. You smirk now, but this'll be worth
  a packet when you're dead.
http://www.coalitionmug.com/


  >> Your Mom is at the club <<
  What is the opposite of a MILF? We don't know,
  but here's stacks of pictures.
http://yourmomisclubbin.tumblr.com/


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Animals with their tongues sticking out
 
  Fluffy creatures, looking endearingly confused.
  What's not to like? Well, the dinosaur isn't
  strictly cute but otherwise yay!
http://animalswithtongues.tumblr.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like a book but it wobbles and hurts your eyes

  >> Jumping dog <<
  Cheer yourself up by watching a playful puppy
  capering in a field, to the Roobarb & Custard
  theme tune.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/This_made_me_smile


  >> Google Pacman Support Call <<
  Confused old lady runs Google's tech support a
  merry dance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3FhJocDLKg


  >> Dr Watson is creepy <<
  Odd design flaw in a Sherlock Holmes game. With
  no walking animation or sound, your sidekick
  silently but relentlessly stalks you.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Stalked_by_Dr_Watson


  >> Sex and the City 2 AAARRRRGGGGHHHH! <<
  Comedian Billy Eichner interviews New Yorkers
  on what they think of this summer's movies. New
  Yorkers are cool.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/SEX_AND_THE_CITY_2_AAARRRRGGGGHHHH


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Tastier than it sounds

  Being as how it's a Heston Blumenthal recipe,
  perhaps not too many eyebrows were raised at
  this unfortunately-truncated URL, courtesy of
  the BBC:
http://picchore.com/funny/carrots-glazed-with-what/


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: APPEAL FOR MICK KARN 
  Japan Bassist is ill and needs your help

  Not sure how many of our readers remember the
  band Japan - they've slipped between the sofa
  cushions of history a little, but in the mid
  80s when your Ginger Fuhrer was a very young
  boy he borrowed a cassette from his elder
  brother, on one side was the compilation album
  Assemblage and on the other Tin Drum. He played
  this C90 on his purple Matsui Walkman (£9 from
  Dixons!) until the batteries ran out, and then
  played it again and again for years.

  Such are the vagaries of Pop Music, what was
  once in Smash Hits every week and on Top of the
  Pops doesn't necessarily mean you are
  financially set up for life, and poor old band
  member Mick Karn is now extremely ill and needs
  cash to support his wife and child.

  We've thrown in a few quid - it would be lovely
  if some of our readers could do the same. Go
  on, help an old pop star. 
http://www.mickkarn.net/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Doctors' Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to design educational
  posters for doctors' surgeries.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * HEADACHE - ooh, I think my brain has burst
  (Seaman Gabber)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10077227

  * STROKE - or perhaps it's something else
  altogether (LP)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10076215

  * CHOICE - Andrew Wakefield or Ben Goldacre:
  you decide (drbroon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10075327


  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/doctors/


  >> New challenge: The World Cup <<
  As the entire nation goes World Cup 
  loopy, we're no different at b3ta. So 
  before England's inevitable early exit on 
  penalties, photoshop the World Cup. It'll 
  be over before you know it, honest.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/worldcup/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * YAY FOR TERRY! Remember Terry Mynott? We
  featured his youTube video a while back, loads
  of impressions in a few minutes, oh you
  remember. Anyway, he's just got a Channel 4
  comedy series commissioned. He writes, "Yeah
  b3ta is my favourite website. I'll check my
  emails then straight to b3ta every morning.
  It's not only the content, it's the comments.
  What I'm saying is there's lots of wanky sites
  that try and feature funny stuff but their
  problem is they are run by corporate twats. The
  thing I love about b3ta is it's all down to the
  people, the public, the true nature of the
  Internet. Sorry it sounds wank - is there any
  way you can make it sound less up my own arse?
  On a personal note I'd like to thank you for
  all your help. I got my first voice agent last
  year, because the girl who works there's husband
  is a fan of b3ta and showed her the newsletter.
  Thankyou B3ta!" Thanks to you, Terry - we're
  really pleased for you here!


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Wikipedia game, anyone?

  mcalidnb writes -

  "It's like that thing that was mentioned in the
  newsletter ages ago, where you pressed random
  article and raced your mate to find a page
  related to pornography. Except this gives you
  the starting page, and the target page isn't
  necessarily about pornography. Anyway, it's
  good, play it."
http://wikipediagame.org/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * SMARTWATER BISCUIT THIEF TECHNOLOGY - rig up
  your tin to turn the the guilty snack stealers
  face blue with inky shame.

  * AN iPHONE APP TO READ THE QUESTION OF THE
  WEEK OFFLINE - we think this section of the
  site would work particularly well as an iPhone
  app but have fuck all resources to do it. 

  * SCHOOL HOOCH - Kids! Make booze by shoving
  school dinners in plastic bags behind radiators
  and hoping it'll turn into alcohol. Google 'pruno'.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by iainhasaface,
  QuackCandle, Cap'n, nivoserg_j_p, horace wimp,
  Le Branleur Formidable, Lu Ratwoman, Dave!
  Additional linkage and image challenge by
  Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Sickilols via Aboylin. Subj via emvee.
  
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  Fox News: We got two of 'em.

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