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This Week:
* SONG - Home Taping is Killing Music
* VID - Chatroulette improv song
* PROCRASTINATION - Maybe later

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____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 420 - 19 MAR 2010

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue420/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Cocks, Mobs, Carol Vorderman and Home taping

  >> Magenta Cocks <<
  A classic B3ta meme is drawing magenta cocks.
  Your Ginger Fuhrer is oddly fond of this and has
  collected together his personal favourites and
  rapped a little ditty. NSFW, and Mrs Fuhrer is
  wondering if her husband is having a breakdown,
  shouting away in his office about his penis.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Magenta_cocks


  >> Carol Vorderman Speak & Spell <<
  She must obey your letter-based commands. The
  power of Monkeon compels her!
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/vordertron/


  >> Mob: A cautionary tale <<
  "I did a talk at Ignite London about the
  internet suddenly arriving at someone's
  doorstep and people getting killed," intones a
  sombre Tom Scott. "Don't have nightmares, do
  sleep well."
http://www.tomscott.com/mob/


  >> "Home Taping Is Killing Music" <<
  Dan Bull takes us back to the 80s, as we
  remember how taping music off the radio killed
  the music industry. Poor old Madonna. Anyway,
  this is all in aid of the Don't Disconnect Us
  campaign against Peter Mandelson's, frankly
  shitty, anti-filesharing bill.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Home_Taping_Is_Killing_Music
http://www.dontdisconnect.us/the-proposals/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals

  Last week we asked for your healthcare stories.
  Wince with us at tales of joy, woe, pus and
  wee. And for a bonus, find out which b3tan
  thought he had three balls:**
http://b3ta.com/questions/matron/

  * DICK - "Working in Llandough Hospital, just
    outside Cardiff. We had our fair share of
    Jeremy Kyle rejects, and ... they breed. The
    hero of this story is a Senior Registrar in
    Obs/Gynae. He had just delivered to this world
    a new future car thief, when the male provider
    of half of the DNA says "Oi Doc, when can I
    'ave sex wiv 'er again?" Our hero, without
    dropping a beat, says, "Well, a Gentleman
    would wait until the Placenta is delivered."
    (micmac)
     
  * MOLE - "Last year I had to go to hospital to
    have a mole removed from the end of my penis.
    Last time I fuck one of them."
    (TheManWithThePlan)
     
  * PANTS - "I once went for an operation on my
    ear. I went under the anaesthetic with my pants
    on. When I came round, someone had taken them
    off. I never got them back."
    (Anthropos)


** Yup, it's SpankyHanky
http://b3ta.com/questions/matron/post664334


  >> This Week's Question: Ignorance <<
  Tell us of times you've been floored by abject
  stupidity. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/stupidity/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Best Google Street View Picture Ever <<
  Aargh! It's coming right for us!
http://snurl.com/aaaaargh


  >> www.thecuntfactory.com <<
  Old-school URL redirection makes for lols.
http://www.thecuntfactory.com/


  >> Pencil sculptures <<
  Incredible structures made entirely from
  coloured pencils. One or two look a little bit
  NSFW. More than a few look like microscope
  photos of viruses that would make your knob
  fall off.
http://snurl.com/pencilscupture


  >> Massive flashing message <<
  Make your own screen-filling, eye-knackering
  statement with this handy site. This could be
  the killer app the web has been needing.
http://www.bigassmessage.com/14d77ec88


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  like rotten.com in opposite world

  >> Jeremy Beadle as a kittin! <<
  Now that we've realised what a rich seam of
  cute this is, we have the rest of the TTMYGA
  team busy in a back room, lightly injuring
  tiny animals.
http://cuteoverload.com/2009/05/31/waffles-grabbed-a-bee/


  >> Carrot Cat <<
  Meditative cat thinks of converting to Bunnyism.
http://www.forkparty.com/carrots-are-good-for-your-soul/


  >> Confused lamb <<
  Breaking our no vids in the cute section rule -
  there's hours of enjoyment playing with an
  enthusiastic baby baa-lamb that has no sense of
  direction whatsoever. So cute!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQy4jfFSYeo


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Because YouTube IS the internet

  >> Hot Chip - I Feel Better <<
  This is the weirdest music vid we've seen so
  far this year. Didn't really know what they
  look like, so we actually thought they might be
  a boy band. Nope. Director Big Pete
  Serafinowicz has been heavily pimping this on
  the web, and rightly so.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaCZN2N6Q_I


  >> I wanna f*ck you ! <<
  Like Richard Stilgoe on viagra, this big-eared
  Dutchman tells it like it is.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_wanna_f_ck_you


  >> ChatRoulette Improv song <<
  Lovely, lovely stuff as a man sings songs about
  and plays piano to the people he meets on
  ChatRoulette.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/ChatRoulette_Improv_song


  >> Procrastination <<
  Frighteningly accurate depiction of a typical
  day here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P785j15Tzk


  >> Impossible pieces for MIDI-piano <<
  Six pieces of music that are impossible for a
  human to play. To be honest, they're pretty
  hard for a human to listen to, but we love the
  concept.
http://snurl.com/impossimidi


  >> Spider-lad <<
  Over-excited young boy defies gravity. Briefly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ah_jaysus


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Swallow Systems
  
  "Swallow Systems, not a bad name on its own"
  says Mike. "But when your business is based in
  Cock Lane? They even had to set up a dummy
  address page, as people were getting blocked."
http://www.swallow.co.uk/contacts/contacts.htm


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Opposite Films Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to make gags by
  reversing the concept of movies.

  Our favourites included:
 
  * THE SPY WHO LOATHED ME - worth it simply
  because Roger Moore's acting would be identical
  for either plot idea - he'd just raise a
  laconic eyebrow. (Joe Scaramanga)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9955079

  * ROOFER ON THE FIDDLE - If YOU suspect someone
  of benefit fraud in your area, contact B3ta
  immediately. (Happy Shopper)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9958318

  * DIVING MISS DASIY - Took us a moment to work
  this out and then spluttered OMG that's awful!
  (Faceburger)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9958482

  Whilst your favourites, using the mighty power
  of votes, include:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/oppositefilms/


  >> New challenge: Make Art More Awesome <<
  Ok, inspired by the various arty people that
  are getting charity shop art and painting over
  it we thought we'd tackle it b3ta-style.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/makeartmoreawesome/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * TUBEWHACKING - Last week we were amazed that
  Pimlico is the only station on the Tube that
  doesn't use the letters of the word 'badger'
  and asked for some sort of online tool to check
  this valuable information.

  "In a similar vein," informs loveaintgonnawait,
  "St John's Wood is the only Tube station to
  contain no letters from the word 'Mackerel'."

  "Hate to make corrections, (that's a lie, I
  love to do it)," corrects richie.g. "But there
  are only 270 London Underground stations, not
  307 as you claimed. Even if you counted London
  Overground, which I expect you have done, that
  still only amounts to 305." Damn

  On the bright side, @slocey points us to a site
  that does exactly what we asked:
http://bengreen.org.uk/tube.html


  * TOP 100 FLUFF - "Hello you sexy bastards,"
  growls busy phil. "I made a top 100 fluffeh
  videos. It was generated from the
  fluff-addicted users of Fluff War, which had
  it's 500,000th hit the other day!" Congrats,
  because that is one and a half Wolverhamptons!
http://walloffluff.com/flufftop100.php


  * CLOCKS JOKE - Thanks to the many people who
  wrote in to let us know that last weekend was
  not, as we claimed, the official return of
  British Summertime. Our thoughts and prayers go
  out to all you people who rely on b3ta's
  taglines for information vital to survival!


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Double dildo gaming trouble

  * PIXEL BREAKOUT - Imagine if each Breakout
  brick was a pixel instead of a block? That
  would take ages - thankfully this gag changes
  somewhat after a few moments.
http://snurl.com/pixelbreak


  * ROBOT WANT KITTY - Fun metroidvania-style
  game, perfect for a lazy Sunday morning.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/Hamumu/robot-wants-kitty


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * EVERYTHING IS A FUNNER WITH SAUSAGES - we
  have a theory that if you substitute the word
  sausage into a movie or book title it becomes
  funny. The "The Girl with the Sausage Tattoo"
  etc. Turn this into some kind of amazing web app.

  * CAN YOU BEAT GOOGLE MAPS? You know how London
  cabbies do "the knowledge" so what about
  setting a random route on Google Maps / Street
  Map and you have to drive it with a little
  chugg chugg car and if you get the same route
  as Google then you win big big points.

  * GO GO DOWNLOAD RACERS - when we download
  legal but very large files from rapidshare -
  the kind that add up to 700mb in 7 handy chunks
  we like to place mini bets on which segment
  will turn up first.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Roxy_Hart,
  redazril, Double 2, Sn0tters, Darklord, Cheeky
  Boy! Pazuzu, carly, Yasmeen, BrianGilmore,
  Mr._Pickles, Heaping Spoonful, RogueIntruder,
  Hey Baberuba, picitujeromanov, I'm dreaming of
  a WhiteRussian, Scary, loltard, Darklord
  (again), El_MUERkO, Hellzapoppin, Darklord and
  theremin Additional linkage and image challenge
  by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Subjlols via Rob Lees Jones.
  
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  Isn't it discrimination that Gingers can only
  use two lifelines in Who Wants to Be a
  Millionaire? (JackDaniels)

  BTW: We nearly had a panic attack when we saw
  this headline - but no - it's just a silly
  headline and not a reference to our godawful
  creation.
http://snurl.com/sickipediadramatica

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