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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 40: "FUNNEL OR TUNNEL QUIZ"

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This Week:
- Funnel or Tunnel Quiz
- Cheese at the Zoo
- The Ass-o-tron

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B3ta email 40 - 24 MAY 2002 -   "We're saving the
                                web ... together"

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: FUNNEL OR TUNNEL
  Play our filthy porn quiz.

  We like making photo quizzes, and we've made
  a new one to test whether you can tell the 
  difference in the facial expressions of 
  porn stars indulging in anal and vaginal sex.

  We've attempted to make it safe for the
  office, but as one user commented, "Jesus
  Christ, that might be office safe if you
  work for a porn mag, but not here mate."
  
  Anyway, can you tell?
http://www.b3ta.com/funnelortunnel/


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: CHEESE AT THE ZOO
  It's cheese! It's at the zoo!

  B3ta regular Weebl has been super busy this
  week. He's been making an animated story
  featuring the adventures of a cheese family
  that visits the zoo. We like it for Weebl's
  lovely narration.
http://www.weebl.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/cheese.htm


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: STICK AN ARSE ON ANY PAGE ON THE NET
  It's back with its own domain.
  
  A couple of weeks ago B3ta boarder Chicago
  Dave made a fantastic site that allowed you
  to add a picture of an arse to any site
  on the web.

  It lasted about a day before he had to take
  it down due to over use.

  Dave writes - 

  "Many thought they had missed their chance
  but we're back with a new domain.
  
  Go on. Add an arse to your corporate site.
http://www.assotron.com/

  (BTW: Dave is worried about using too
  much bandwidth and says, "If you know any
  arse friendly hosts who might be sympathetic
  then please get in touch.")


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
  Cheese animation, Tiny Website & Bonus Shemale


  >> Paper Aeroplane Post-it Notes <<
  Cal Henderson - the B3ta programmer - has been
  making paper aeroplanes from post-it notes.
  He's put together a guide on how to make them,
  and is looking for submissions for new designs.
  This is bored office creativity at its best.
http://www.iamcal.com/misc/postitplane/


  >> Football Kitten Animation <<
  B3ta regular Santexo writes, "I made make this in
  an attempt to reconcile my love of both B3ta
  and football." 
http://members.lycos.co.uk/neilgibbo/kitten.swf


  >> Smallest Website in the World <<<
  B3ta reader Noel Lyons writes, "We've made the
  smallest website in the world. Or at least, the
  smallest with a piano. And a game of Pong.
  And a poetry corner. And a search engine." It's
  all rather charming.
http://www.guimp.com/


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: CALIFORNIAN B3TA PARTY WITH MICKY MOUSE

  American B3ta chappy Captain Kimbo is fed up
  that the social events we organise are all in
  the UK. He says, "I was thinking of hosting one
  in California. Hopefully in Disneyland in mid-June.
  Please register interest at my site."
http://kimbo-be-coo.com/yank-fest.html


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
  Footy/Kitten Anim, B3ta Calculator & Stalkers


  >> Female or Shemale 3 <<
  Regular readers will know all about our Female
  or Shemale quizzes. And now? We've given in
  to email demand and made another one. Hopefully
  that'll be the last one - as we're pretty bored
  of making them.
http://www.b3ta.com/femaleorshemale3/


  >> Are you using B3ta too much? Find out <<
  B3ta boarder Simon writes, "I made a timer
  that counts how much time you spend on B3ta,
  as I got bored and wanted to know. It only
  works on Windows though." 
http://www.highlyillogical.org/b3tatimer/


  >> Rent a Stalker <<
  B3ta boarder Fridgemagnet has set up a service
  where you can rent your own stalker.
http://www.fridgemagnet.org.uk/stalkersonline/


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: NAME THE BABY UPDATE

  Last week, B3ta reader Stu asked you to name
  his new baby.

  Stu writes -

  "Wow. There have been 400 email suggestions.
  We're overwhelmed. We need another week 
  to go through the entries."

  C'mon Stu! We need to know.


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: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Hypnotic Web Game <<
  Ferry Halim writes the best games on the
  Internet. His latest is a cross between 
  Collapse and Puzzle Bobble. It stopped us
  working for an hour or two.
http://www.orisinal.ws/games/bauns.htm


  >> Strange Pics of Weird Lady <<
  Helen is a contortionist. Look at her - she's 
  all bendy.
http://www.contortionhomepage.com/helena.html


  >> Buffy Fan Fiction <<
  Like Buffy? Like the idea of Willow & Buffy
  in lezzy love? This combition of slash fiction
  and cartoon strip is oddly sweet. Makes most
  sense if you've watched series 6.
http://buffy.slayers.co.uk/ShowStrip.asp?CS=1


  >> Down Syndrome Dolls <<
  Apparently these are for sufferers of Down
  Syndrome. We think these are supposed to be
  sweet but they look scary to us.
http://www.downsyndromedolls.com/thedolls.html


  >> Shooting inanimate objects #1 <<
  Why does a banana look like after been shot
  with a Walther PPK? Find out.
http://www.rit.edu/~andpph/exhibit-3.html


  >> Shooting inanimate objects #2 <<
  If the above link was a bit too arty for you
  how about a redneck's take on it?
http://www.sheldon.com/shotgun/


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: BOOTLEG MP3 OF THE WEEK
  "100 reasons to be sad" from SAD

  Each week we talk to th_dr at Boom Selection
  about his current favourite bootleg track.

  th_dr writes - 

  "Much like Osymyso's Intro Inspection this is
  100 snippets of songs crammed into 15 minutes.
  See how many you can spot. BTW: It is the first
  ever So Solid Crew sampling bootleg I have
  received. Wicked."
http://makeashorterlink.com/?E65262EE

  (BTW: We've just downloaded this and trying to
  follow all the cuts did our heads in. In a good
  way.)


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: HOW TO SPEND YOUR MONEY
  Buy Buffy season 1 for £17.99 at CD-WOW

  As this costs £39.99 on Amazon, it's bloody
  cheap and should keep you busy for weeks worth
  of TV.

  It's region 1, so make sure your DVD player
  can handle it.
http://makeashorterlink.com/?A18153EE

  (BTW: We always need help with this feature.
  Tell us if you've bought something geeky, cool
  or cheap on the web at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/)


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: PENIS QUESTIONAIRE
  Fill in this form about cocks.

  Last week we alerted you to comedian Richard
  Herring's desire for poems about penises - he's
  collecting information for his new stage show
  "Talking Cocks."
 
  This week Richard would like you to fill in
  his survey.

  Richard writes -

  "I've made a a questionnaire for both men and
  women. There is some room for amusing anecdotes,
  but I would really appreciate it if you could be
  honest about it.

  Go on. Tell him about your or your boyfriend's
  penis.
http://www.talkingcock.co.uk/question/


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: PAID PLUG
  Enter a competition and win some stuff.

  Net agency Poke London have bunged us some
  cash to mention their Brilliant Industries
  project.

  Vim van Haas (Chief Innovations Officer),
  says -

  "WE have scoured the globe to find the places
  where the inventors and innovators are hanging
  out. We singled out B3ta as being THE single
  most important gathering place of brilliant
  minds.

  "Each week we are posing a financial problem,
  and we want to see and hear your solutions.
  The best stuff wins prizes."

  More details:
http://brilliantindustries.com/innovationfoundation/

  (BTW: Want to bribe us to mention your corporate
  project? Speak to us at bribes@b3ta.co.uk)


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from Theatre Poster Challege

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted you to make ideas for
  new musicals.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/musical/

  We've asked B3ta boarder Santexo to judge
  the entries - here are his top 3.

  #1 Bantam of The Opera. Sometimes less is
     more. (Tomsk)
http://b3ta.com/board/1/0/1/3/6/6/

  #2 Pirates in Men's Pants. Surreal puns rule.
     (Broon)
http://b3ta.com/board/9/9/7/5/9/

  #3 Minging in the Rain. Minging is such a 
     funny word. (Bitporn)
http://b3ta.com/board/9/9/3/9/7/


  >> This Weeks Challenge <<

  This week, B3ta reader Justin Cooke emailed
  in the suggestion, "I'd like to see new stunts
  for David Blaine."
http://b3ta.com/challenge/davidblaine/

  (BTW: If you have a challenge idea, then
  tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/)


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEKS ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. This
  newsletter now reaches over 25,000 people - if
  you are in it, then people will see your stuff.
  It's that simple.

  Stuff we'd really like to see includes

  * Suggestions for image challenges
  * Reviews of weird/cheap stuff you've bought
    on-line
  * Games, animations and odd projects

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

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  It's Friday! So go for a beer and sing the
  offical beer song.
http://b3ta.com/beer/

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