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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 144: "KITTZENSHITZEN"

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This Week:
* WEEBL - His catchiest tune yet?
* GAMES - Friday game special
* HUMAN ZOO - the staff of Harrow council

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____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 144 - 16 July 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue144/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
  Magic Trevor, Virtua Flick-book & David Blunkett

  >> Weebl's Magical Trevor <<
  Jonti has one mission in his life: to compose
  earworms. That is, songs so catchy that 
  they'll stay in your head forcing you to go
  back and watch his work again, as if to scratch
  an itch. Magical Trevor is in this tradition
  and a work of evil genius. (Although we advise
  you give the smiley banner-ads a wide berth.)
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/37/


  >> Virtua flick-book <<
  "This is my attempt at simulating the simple
  pleasure of a flick-book for a paperless
  environment", claims Monkeon, "the feel of
  paper sliding between your fingers being
  replaced by the rougher texture of plastic
  keys brushing against your filthy paws."
  To translate from Monkeonese, he means rub
  your pinkies over the keys to play his
  animation - you can always rely on Monkeon
  to bring innovation to areas others frankly
  wouldn't bother with.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/flickbook/


  >> David Blunkett Cactus <<
  David Blunkett and Sadie are the UK's cutest
  couple. David is the blind MP behind quips
  like, "You donít need a guide dog for
  hindsight." And Sadie? She's his faithful
  mutt who stops him walking into cars. Enjoy
  Mushybees prickly take on politics.
http://www.mushybees.com/blunkett


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: GOOD AND BAD
  Stuff this week which is er.. good or bad

  >> GOOD: X-files creator to make movie <<
  Chris Carter is preparing to make his feature
  film directorial debut. His sci-fi thriller,
  tells the story of a future society in which
  genetic testing allows plod to
  bang-up those with a predisposition for
  violence. Can't wait.


  >> GOOD: Victor Malloy's Cure cover <<
  The Cure's Boy's Don't Cry has been slowed
  down and prettified with the addition
  of slide guitars. This years Mad World?
  We like it.


  >> GOOD: You Are What You Eat <<
  TV Gold. Dr Gillian McKeith prosecutes some of
  Britain's worst eaters for crimes against their
  own bodies. How? By analysing their own shit.
  We'd love to see what she makes of
  ratemypoo.com


  >> BAD: accessable Odeon closing down  <<
  Odeon Cinemas' website was so shite that
  accessibility campaigner Matthew Somerville
  felt compelled to build a new version that
  actually worked.  What did Odeon do? They
  closed him down. Twats. This man was
  generating them business.


  >> BAD: Geldof vetoes new Live Aid show <<
  Bugger. We were looking forward to seeing
  Adam Ant and Nik Kershaw back on the stage. 


  >> BAD: Jennifer Ellison Autobiography <<
  Why bother publishing this? Yes it'll sell a
  few tabloids to council mums via serialisation,
  but the book itself will be left to pile up
  in remaindered book shops (You know the ones
  - they also sell Dale Wintonís autobiography
  and books about Harold Shipman.)


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: HUMAN ZOO
  Harrow Councillors 

  Introducing Councillor Eileen Kinnear, a lady
  with spectacles that bridge an unholy union
  between Buddy Holly and Dame Edna.

  You'll need to scroll down to find her, but
  along the way you'll meet such treats as
  Rekha Shah (Shrek) and the The League of
  Gentlemen wannabe Christine Bednell.

  They should have gone to SpecSavers.
http://www2.harrow.gov.uk/mgMemberIndex.asp


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: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> 80s TV ads bit-torrent <<
  "I've just put my entire collection of 80s UK
  adverts online via bit-torrent", bellows Haku.
  Wow.  Looking for a nostalgia fest this weekend?
  Grab all 271 adverts and veg out to three hours
  of "I love the 1980s" without the inane
  punditry. The more ambitious of you might
  like to cut up this material for cheap laughs.
  Make something good? Then send it in.
http://linux.tc3net.com/darwin/80s/adverts/


  >> Winnebago swear-fest  <<
  Surely one of the great joys of owning your
  own company is insisting on starring in your
  own adverts. Witness the out-takes as the CEO
  of a Winnebago-lot swears his way
  through a difficult shoot.
http://homepage.mac.com/stevelyon/vacation/imovie.html


  >> Have a chav party <<
  "Chav" has overtaken "Pikey" as the UK word of
  choice to describe what as a teenager we used
  to call "Kevins" or our Dad called, "Shits."
  Championing this linguistic revolution
  is chavscum.co.uk. This image from their site
  has been doing the rounds this week, generating
  "is it real?" comments all over the net. We think
  it might be a photo from a dress-as-a-chav party
  which is proving a popular gimmick for the nationís
  young. How long before someone opens a School Disco
  style chav event? And the inevitable "Now That's
  What I Call Chav" R'n'B compilation?
http://www.chavscum.co.uk/images/june2004/june041.jpg


  >> Mormon wankers <<
  Enjoy this Mormonic tract on how to prevent
  wasting the population paste. Tips include,
  "Wear pajamas that are difficult to open" and
  "tie your hand to the bed frame." Surely this
  is the kind of stuff that's going to start a
  lifelong bondage and mumification fetish?
http://www.phallic.org/mormon-masturbation.txt


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: BIT TORRENT TV
  Stuff we've haven't watched this week

  Other than the adverts we've seen bugger all
  torrents this week that are worth telling you
  about, so we're going to have a change of
  tack and see if we can persuade the torrent
  community to stick up some telly we would
  REALLY love to see. 

  We're currently obsessed with post-apocalyptic
  1970s British TV dramas. And you should be too.


  >> Survivors series II <<
  Terry Nation is best remembered for the
  creation of The Daleks. However his finest TV
  was the first series of Survivor which charted 
  a plague induced society breakdown. Nation
  didn't work on series two, but we're still
  desperate to see  where the producers took
  the story next. No sign of a DVD or a torrent,
  so here's hoping.


  >> The Changes <<
  Telling the story of a modern young girl who
  wakes up in a world that technology forgot.
  We read the Peter Dickinson novels at school,
  only recently realising that a TV adaptation 
  existed. If you've got an old VHS at home
  please share it. Nerds need you.


  >> Doomwatch <<
  More pre than post apocalyptic, Doomwatch was
  the 70s equivalent of the X-Files, using ecological
  disaster instead of aliens themes. Only two
  episodes of this moody series made it to DVD,
  again we plead with the torrenters of the world.
  Please stick it on-line. 


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
  BNP, La la la, Weebl and Eric & Ernie

  >> URL trick of the week <<
  "I've registered a BNP address," snarls
  3dible, "and forwarded it to everyone's
  favourite fascist newspaper." Blimey. We're
  saying nothing.
http://www.vote-bnp.tk/


  >> La la la <<
  Joel has recently discovered he can use his
  PC to make bad jungle. Thankfully he's
  promised to spare us from his
 LTJ Bukem
  impressions and only stick out the ones
  with silly voices. Extremely odd.
http://www.rathergood.com/lalala/


  >> Weebl on politics <<
  Jonti isn't a big one for politics. Normally
  his conversation is limited to, "I've gone
  meat blind" and  "No - I'm NOT a bummer."
  But he's had a go and raised a few smiles
  in B3TA HQ, and that's the important thing.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/politics.htm


  >> Bring me sunshine <<
  Ernie Wise & Eric Morecambe are the UK's
  best loved dead comics. Eclectech is a fan
  and has chosen to celebrate their greatness
  with a "midimusic extravaganza with monkeys
  and meerkats." Of course. It's how they would
  have wanted it.
http://eclectech.co.uk/sunshine.php


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Nazi Kittens

  B3ta's haters have sometimes criticised us
  for our obsession with Nazis and kittens.

  We say kittzenshitzen! We also say yay for Nazis
  and a bigger yay for Kittens, but we were
  slightly surprised to be sent this photo of SS
  troops playing with a darling kitten. Cute. 
http://members.ozemail.com.au/~wilhelm.smith/images/kitten.jpg


  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Visions of the Future: Circa
  1950 Challenge
 
  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
 
  Last week we wanted you to show us how the
  future would be, from the point of view of
  a 1950s scientist:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/futurevisions/
 
  We asked B3ta boarder 'Eclectech' to judge the
  entries - here are her 3 faves.
 
  Eclectech writes -
 
  #1 "Penguin of the future - because if I'd
    been a scientist in the fifties I know I
    would have been thinking about penguins with
    jet packs with a smile on my face. (cormee)
http://b3ta.com/board/3436930
 
  #2 "Don't worry about him not being able to
    breathe, he's had a nip of brandy first -
    I couldn't resist the slightly pompous
    British enthusiasm of this one.  Splendid.
    (camel-related incident)
http://b3ta.com/board/3435599
 
  #3 "Ladies, your household troubles will soon
    be over! - wonderfully executed and made me
    snigger. (guplik)
http://b3ta.com/board/3460779
 
  "Do I get a special mention?  If so it goes to
  Down on the farm for his fabulous burst of
  colour in a predominantly black and white
  challenge.  And for his giraffe.
http://b3ta.com/board/3437532
 

  >> This Week's Challenge <<
 
  This week, B3ta contributor Fetid Cheese gave
  us the suggestion, "Make stuff to sell on e-bay"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ebay/


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: FRIDAY GAME SPECIAL
  Three games for the price of one 

  >> Dodge the blodge <<
  In not possibly the most visually thrilling
  gaming experience you'll encounter this week -
  avoid the dots and hit the square. Every time
  you get it right another blob appears. Gets
  tricky quickly.
http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/eskiv/eskiv.htm


  >> Bubble Trouble <<
  Similar in concept to the previous game this
  production pulls out the stops on the visuals.
  Grab the bubbles to make yourself bigger - hence
  making your character more likely to hit a
  nasty. And it's got power-ups. Yay.
http://www.freepgs.com/mindistortion/games/bubbles.htm


  >> Pointy clicky adventure <<
  An adventure game ala Monkey Island. It
  looks gorgeous and has a tricky set of puzzles
  to solve. Might keep you busy 'til next week.
http://www.abc.net.au/gameon/chasm/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * B3TA FAME ACCADEMY GRADUATE #1:
    Brian Mung writes, "In other news, MTV have
    picked up my Fancy Soup series, so that'll
    be screening before too long. Which is nice."
http://www.brianmung.com/films.htm


  * B3TA FAME ACCADEMY GRADUATE #2:
    IceZebra writes - "As a result of the cartoons
    I started drawing on b3ta, I was contacted by
    Ragdoll (makers of Teletubbies) to see about
    becoming a writer for them.  Heard from them
    today, I shall now be writing a new TV series
    for kids!"
http://www.another-world.biz/icezebra/cartoons/index.html


   Well done to the both of you. 20% of your
   wages to the Swiss bank account like we
   agreed?


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * RESTUARTANT SPORTS - invent a new game using
    cutlery that we can play whilst waiting
    for service in an eating establishment.

  * CHEESE CHESS - made a board from Kraft
    singles and mould the pieces from Dairylea
    Triangles.
    
  * LIVEN UP RUSH HOUR - do something daft to
    entertain your fellow commuters and film it
    so we can show it to the people.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS: 

  This issue was writen by Robert Fox Manuel
  with David Dana Stevenson.
  Cuterosity via Joelosity.
  Star... suggestions from Tomsk.
  Links sent in by gypsychk, tom pennock, 
  Trinketsandstuff,  jaf/juggler827
  and stuff/guernsey.
  Top Tippery by mictoboy
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord Fiesta.
  Image challenge handled by Mystery Bubba.
  Proofing by the b4 "not arf" ta . (76705)

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  TOP TIP:
  Protect your plates whilst moving home by
  packing a paper plate between each one.

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