we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 142: "BETTER THAN LICKING BATTERIES"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* ANIM - Russian dolls go wild
* HUMAN ZOO - Fat blokes dressed as Superman
* VIDEO - Cats that love trees too much

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 142 - 02 Jul 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue142/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Russian dolls, scary men, ducks, dancing

  >> Russian dolls on holiday <<
  "I have made this," writes Monkeon "in
  order to get over my recent obsession with
  Russian dolls." We hope it didn't help, as
  this is excellent stuff, and clever too.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/russiandolls/


  >> "I kill cats" vid <<
  "Greetings," booms Ethan T Berlin. "I think you
  will like my animations." We do, although
  they also frighten us immensely.
http://www.gbehh.com/toons/nytimes.html


  >> Giant duck nature film <<
  Thomas Scott has been busy working with David
  Attenborough to document the life of the rare
  Giant Amazonian Duck. It must be true: Look,
  it's all caught on camera!
http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/duckling/


  >> Dancing animal country <<
  Cute little creatures, dancing through the
  countryside. There's more than a hint of our
  own Jonti Picking to this animated offering from
  Adz. But high-quality influences have yielded
  high-quality results and this is a lovely hymn
  to rustic niceness.
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/adam.lambourne/dadsday/


  >> Weebl goes to Ikea - conclusion <<
  Weebl concludes his Sweden-baiting Pikea
  trilogy with this fine episode of his eponymous
  cartoon. BTW: Jonti is looking to sell a DVD
  of his work. If you're interested, then
  remember to vote on his site.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/pikea3.htm


-------------------------------------------------

: GOOD AND BAD
  Stuff this week which is er.. good or bad

  >> GOOD: Firefox browser <<
  Free from spyware, quicker than Internet
  Explorer and complete with fantastic tabbed
  browsing, Firefox has recently become our
  browser of choice.

  >> GOOD: Peyote mushrooms <<
  Now being openly sold in shops by Camden
  market. Psychedelics are fun. Take advantage
  of the current laxity in law and spend your
  summer tripping.

   >> BAD: Labour banning smoking <<
  Tony Blair is bringing in a smoking ban as
  a third term election pledge. Give up smoking?
  We'd rather vote Tory.
  
  >> BAD: BT capping ASDL bandwidth <<
  Apparently it'll be £2 for every GB you go
  over your limit. We've cancelled our account
  and moved to Blueyonder. 
  
  >> BAD: No Daleks on Doctor Who <<
  The estate of Terry Nation is playing funny
  buggers over cash. BTW: We hope the rumour
  that Derren Brown is to play The Master is
  true.


-------------------------------------------------

: HUMAN ZOO
  Superman convention
  
  The annual Superman festival in Metropolis,
  Illinois brings out a strange assortment of
  characters who enjoy dressing as the Man of
  Steel. If this is the result, we think only
  fashion models should be allowed access
  to superpowers. Everyone else looks shit.
http://www.quixoticcrap.com/writings/superdudes.htm


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> When tornados attack <<
  The weather in the UK is pretty dull - either
  piss-weak sunshine that couldn't give skin
  cancer to an albino or wimpy spots of rain.
  We leave it to Japan for proper, manly
  weather of the future. They have cool shit
  like tornados attacking football games. Jammy
  bastards.
http://www.drunkstunts.com/pafiledb/pafiledb.php?action=download&id=108


  >> Crap adventure game <<
  Remember those point and click adventures 
  like Space Quest and Myst? How much better
  would they be if the writers dispensed with
  the game element and simply concentrated
  on amusing you? Best bits? The oedipal time
  machine and the part with Hitler.
http://www.atrianglemorning.com/games/which.php


  >> Best FAQ in the world <<
  Mr Biffo is a writer most known for his 
  irreverant games reviews on the Channel 4
  teletext service Digitiser
. His FAQ, detailing
  his falling out with his employers, makes
  entertaining reading.
http://www.mrbiffo.com/biffofaq.htm


  >> Drunk game <<
  Drink is one of man's finest inventions. It's
  no wonder that the phrase "best thing since
  canned beer" has entered the lexicon of the
  more discerning users of our language. 
  Simulate the effects of heavy drinking
  without the downsides of liquid shit and 
  losing your job in this hard-to-control
  game.
http://www.wagenschenke.ch/


  >> Painted rocks <<
  The finest thing an artist can do is to be
  the one who sees what is already there. Artist
  George Witham is such a man. He combs beaches
  for interesting rocks, studies them for weeks
  then finally decides that a rock is a shoe and
  paints it accordingly. Wonderful stuff.
http://www.surfwiz.com/paintedrocks.htm


  >> Cats love trees <<
  Cats are stupid. Watch with glee this compelling
  evidence. Cat falls from tree, cat is very
  scared, cat runs back up tree. The clip is best
  enjoyed looped within your media player.
http://pya.cc/pyaimg/img2/2004062919.wmv


  >> Spoof phone call <<
  We've never had the courage to do crank phone
  calls but it's clearly a rewarding source of
  humour. Kinda Reality TV before all that crap was
  invented. This fine example has a chappy
  phoning a hardware store to buy some butt plugs.
  It's the insistency and limited dialogue that
  brings joy to our blackened hearts.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/plugs.php


-------------------------------------------------

: BIT TORRENT TV
  Stuff we've watched this week

  Pundits have been bleating on about the arrival
  of TV on demand for years. Who would have
  thought it would come, not via the studios, but
  from an ad-hoc collection of enthusiasts using
  filesharing software?

  Here's some of the stuff we've been enjoying
  recently:

  >> Deadwood <<
  The main reason to watch HBO's gritty Western
  is Ian 'Lovejoy' McShane's scene-stealing turn
  as a violent and foul-mouthed pimp. But the
  rest is pretty solid, too. The series is
  beginning to show on UK satellite now, but
  it's worth tracking down some of the later
  episodes, when the pace begins to pick up.

  
  >> Monk <<
  Adrian Monk is a private eye with a variety of
  obsessive-compulsive disorders. He's a brilliant
  detective, but spends most of his time cleaning
  things and rearranging pictures. We stumbled on
  this completely by chance and were both charmed
  by the witty script and amused by the crassness
  of mental illness played for laughs. This is the
  heir apparent to Columbo/Diagnosis Murder/your
  classic light-hearted lunchtime murder shows.


  >> Dark Skies <<
  One of the many joys of torrenting is finding
  shows that aren't available on DVD. Dark Skies
  wowed us in the 90s with its enjoyable
  sub-X-Files nonsense of aliens and rewriting
  history. Our favourite moment is when our
  heroes meet Jim Morrison who seemingly can only
  converse in Doors lyrics, "Yeah man, people 
  are strange." On seeing a locked building,
  "Let's break on through to the other side."
  Inspired tosh and worth a few hours of your time.


-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Baby ferrets
  
  If you didn't think weasels could be cute, you
  are very wrong, as this photo gallery clearly
  demonstrates.
   
  Fact 1: Female ferrets are called Jills.
  Fact 2: The name Jill derives from the Greek
  ioulos - "downy-bearded". Erm. We think you
  can draw your own conclusions from that.
http://snipurl.com/7hfq


  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  Chinese Penguin Conga

  It starts off easy: you control three cute
  little Chinese penguins, timing their jumps
  with the numbers on your keyboard. But as the
  game progresses, you get more and more penguins.
  Ultimately, you're a sweaty, spasming mess,
  trying to herd a conga line of nine of the
  buggers. Absolute genius.
http://www.koreus.com/files/200406/themalibu9.html


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Cowboy Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted Cowboys!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/cowboys/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'Naive Amoeba' to judge
  the entries - here are his 3 faves.

  Naive Amoeba writes -

  #1 "Lasso Tool - I love this, it's clever and a
     great use of Photoshop puns. (Chobb)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3373945

  #2 "Itchy Nose - Great drawings, fluid animation
     and a nice joke. All 'round top stuff!
     (The Neville)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3377537

  #3 "Cowboy Clive - Haha, very cute and a fab
     'shop. Kinda trippy, if you've been watching
     it for about 3 days like me. (MrRush)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3374236

     Finally, the 'bonus' winner is for Best Been
     Done Pun. There were a lot of great entries
     this challenge, and there was a definite
     ongoing pun - a play on the word cowboy.
     This one is the best though, it looks great
     and it's pulled off fantastically.
     (TheFelineAnarchist)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3383845

  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, B3ta contributor 'The Fabulous
  Dancing Yak' gave us the suggestion,
  "I didn't know it did that!"
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/didntknow/


-------------------------------------------------

: 100 ISSUES AGO TODAY
  "Football Vs Art"

  We take a quick look back at the best links
  in issue 42 of the B3ta newsletter.

  >> Supporter or Deporter <<
  It was the height of the 2002 World Cup and 
  b3ta regular Monkeon was pissed off. He poured
  his footy hatred into this - still relevant -
  quiz.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/supporter/

  
  >> Weebl makes pie <<
  Blimey. This takes us back. The first ever
  Weebl & Bob. Didn't little Jonti do well?
  Who knew a pie empire would rise from this
  simple animation?
http://www.weebl.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3ta/pie.html


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * LAMB ATTACK - regular readers will know we
    stick suggestions for new things at the
    bottom of the newsletter. Occasionally
    you even listen. Splatpunk writes, "You want it,
    you got it  - 'Lamb Attack' its Defender with a
    primitive twist. Turn your speakers up and
    enjoy." Blimey. This is demented, hard to
    control and brought a huge grin to our
    CRT-weathered faces.
http://www.splatpunk.com/flash/lambattack/lambattack.htm


  * B3TA PICS IN THE PAPERS AGAIN - but we think
    the Guardian is taking the piss by cropping
    the artists' credits. Boo hiss!
http://www2.b3ta.com/clippings/b3taguardian.jpg


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * OCTAGONAL PANTS FOR OCTOPUSES - we're sick
    of denizens of the deep parading their
    octococks in our faces.

  * INFINITE INK PRINTERS - surely some kind of
    detachable squid would suffice? Simply feed
    it a few fish flakes and we'd collapse
    the fixed-price practices of the printer
    industry. Paper jams could be a bit
    stinky though.

  * PANTS IN THE POST - fresh underwear
    delivered everyday through your letterbox.
    Complete with return address sewn into 
    the gusset. Finished wearing them? Simply
    pop them into the post box on the way to
    work.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS: 

  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by inside_four_walls, 
  wang_chinguk, davidguy, Daniel Brown, 
  GuinnessJoe, charlieroker, munkehwill &
  eyeizsamsonitetoo.
  Top Tippery by gardening bloke on This Morning.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord and Sorcery.
  Image challenge handled by Miss Terry Bob.
  Proofing by the silent b4ta majority. (75543)

-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  To ripen green tomatoes: simply place inside a
  brown paper bag with a banana and leave on a
  warm window sill for two days. The ethylene 
  gas produced by the ripening banana will make
  your green tomatoes red. Then again, if you've
  got lots of green tomatoes, make chutney.

next issue »
« previous issue