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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 127: "KILL ALL NUNS"

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This Week:
* SHOP - New shirt designs
* RADIO - Dave from Blur + Weebl
* RANT - Bit Torrent TV

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 127 - 19 Mar 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue127/

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: B3TA SHOP
  New shirts

  Since opening our shop the email has been
  flooding in: "Why can't you make a shirt
  for those of us with breasts?" and "Sod the
  icons. I want a shirt with B3TA emblazoned
  across the chest."

  Aha. If that's what you want - then that's
  what you will get. Er... all except the weirdo
  who wrote in asking if he could buy our
  pre-worn underwear. Pervert.
http://www.b3ta.com/shop/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Nun shooter, Weebl, Hoovers, Scandal, Piss

  >> Kill the nuns <<
  "It's been a while since I made a nun game,"
  writes Brian Mung, "so here's the new one."
  Blimey. This is both lovely-looking and
  quite a tough challenge. Mung normally puts
  interesting animations at the end of his
  games - but we can't complete it to find out.
http://www.brianmung.com/nungunner.htm


  >> Kubrick Vs. Weebl <<
  The wait is over - the great auteurs of cinema
  and the web have collaborated at last. OK,
  Weebl has simply nicked a bit of Kubrick's
  Spartacus and stuck a gag in it. But it made
  us giggle so we're happy.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/31/


  >> Scandal Generator <<
  What's been missing from our Labour Government
  has been a good dose of sex scandal. Why not
  create your own with a donkey and a few
  politicians' heads?
http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/scandal.html


  >> I turned my piss pink <<
  "I managed to change the colour of my wee"
  writes Lurking Bon, "by eating a large jar of
  pickled  beetroot. Just thought I'd share the
  joy. You should try it - the pink wee lasts
  all day."
http://www.pressanykey.net/?section=articles&id=1022


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: B3TA RADIO
  Booze Related Disasters

  This week Rob "B3ta" Manuel and Jonti "Weebl"
  Picking will be talking about your worst
  drinking experiences. Dave "Jada" Stevenson
  is taking a week off due to some personal
  drinking experiences.
http://b3ta.com/questions/booze_related_disasters/

  We've also invited Dave Rowntree from Blur into
  the studio for a chat.

  You can learn more about B3ta Radio and how
  to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/


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: BIT TORRENT TV
  Stuff we've watched this week

  With the increasing adoption of broadband, more
  web users are using the net to swap TV shows.
  Back in the day it was Kazaa, but it's become
  increasingly unreliable and harder to find
  versions without spyware.

  At B3ta towers we're impressed with Bit Torrent,
  a nifty idea that makes downloading stuff
  quicker as more people start sharing the link.

  TV channels and ISPs are aware of the demand
  for downloading TV via the net and trialing
  services based upon streaming video.

  This sucks - we want video we can download and
  watch in our own time.

  So thank God for Bit Torrent and rabid
  fans running sites to share their TV viewing
  habits. The fans are doing a better job at
  serving the needs of the users than the TV
  companies.

  Anyway. To give you a taster of the brave
  new world, here's some of the TV we've been
  watching that isn't available in the UK.


  >> Tripping the Rift <<
  New Sci-Fi 3D cartoon based upon a web short
  written by jobbing producers at King of The
  Hill back in the 90s. With the new production
  they've sacked the original team - but it's
  still funny and rather mucky. And how long
  before a men's magazine commissions a photo-shoot
  with the leading CGI lady, Six? Er, probably
  not long.


  >> New South Park <<
  Season 8 of South Park opens with an anime
  inspired episode. Butter's fans will have their
  hearts broken when they see the indignities
  heaped upon him. BTW: Some of you may have
  given up on South Park due to bad scheduling,
  but trust us, the writing is as fantastic and
  iconoclastic as ever.


  >> Wonderfalls <<
  Genre fiction fans have been looking to
  Buffy alumnus Tim Minear to supply their weekly
  supply of fantasy and humour. We watched the
  pilot a few hours ago  and enjoyed it immensely.
  It's got talking animals in it - how good
  is that? The sad bit is that it's already
  under threat of cancellation, with the
  producers sending open letters to fan sites
  saying, "please watch." Fingers crossed.


  All these shows can be found via
http://www.torrents.co.uk/


  You'll need a fat Internet connection and to
  install Bit Torrent to make the links work.
http://bitconjurer.org/BitTorrent/


  BTW: Any working torrents to international
  TV that YOU think we should be watching,
  then get in touch at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  (Assuming we don't get closed down for
  speaking truthfully about how people are
  using the Internet these days.)


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Rejected South Park <<
  A couple of years back the creators of South
  Park were asked by Shockwave to create an
  animation series. Er.. the work was rejected.
  It's not hard to see why - check it out -
  the work is both unsettling and obscene.
http://www.trioplus.tv/plus/princess/ep01.html


  >> Odd plant growing game <<
  Alert readers will remember that "drop icons
  on the planet" game we featured a few weeks
  back. Here's the sequel. It's a bit easier
  to understand but just as inventive.
http://www.eyezmaze.com/vanilla/


  >> Origins of the Smiley <<
  Fucking smileys. We hate them. They're gay.
  Ever wondered who the twat was who thought
  them up? Scott E Fahlman is the man to blame.
http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/~sef/sefSmiley.htm


  >> Buffy cruise <<
  With Buffy and Angel both cancelled, what
  next for the actors in the Whedonverse? It's
  all right for Sarah Michelle Gellar and her
  starring roles in such quality flicks as Scooby
  Doo. But the more obscure members of the cast
  are basically fucked, and reduced to appearing
  in the fan fleecing phenomenon of celebrity
  cruises.
http://slayercruise.com/


  >> Adventure game <<
  Ooh, this feels fresh. It's an enjoyable point
  and click  adventure but the clever bit is
  that there is a chat-room at the bottom of
  the screen with people swapping hints and
  tips. Smart and engaging way to liven up
  an old format.
http://server-admin.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/motas/mystery/testgame.htm


  >> Competitive eating <<
  The Guinness Book of Records removed competitive
  eating from their roster in the 70s due to
  concerns about health. The sport is still
  going strong in America though. This skinny
  little thing, called Sonya Thomas apparently,
  is rather good at it.
http://www.ifoce.com/profile.php?action=detail&sn=20


  >> Worst Flash game ever <<
  "Not sure if this guy's taking the piss," writes
  Max Smethurst, "or if this is actually his idea of
  a good game. It's a rather funny momentary
  diversion nonetheless." Agreed. The crapness
  of this game made us giggle hard.
http://www.angelfire.com/creep/bigrigs/bigrigs11.swf


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Handicapped kittens

  The world of kitten breeding is a slightly
  odd place. Think Dr Mengele but with cats.
  Our little black hearts go out to this poor
  thing which, due to bad breeding, was born
  with wonky paws.
http://handicappedpets.com/bendy/


  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Film of the Game Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted films made of playground
  games you used to play:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/filmofthegame/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'BigBomba' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  BigBomba writes -

  #1 "Edward Paperstonescissorhands -  love the
     way he knows what the other hand will be,
     yet he never chooses stone. Mong. (sharpy)
http://b3ta.com/board/2872887

  #2 "Penfight - Everyone used to do this back in
     school. If you didn't, go draw on your
     workmate/boss/cat NOW. (Happy Shopper)
http://b3ta.com/board/2875993

  #3 "Batman - Great entry, takes me back.......
     ahhhhh jumpers for goal-posts, those were
     the days." (squid ink)
http://b3ta.com/board/2887337


     "Oh, and although this is not strictly a valid
     entry, I just thought this, by ddavex, was
     brilliant:"
http://b3ta.com/board/2878261


  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, b3ta contributor "Fabulous Dancing Yak"
  gave us the suggestion, "Whoah! That wasn't there
  when I went to bed!"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/whoah/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  
  * HOOVER ART - last week we asked you to spill
    loads of dirt and hoover it up into something
    interesting. Spiny gave it a go and drew -
    surprise surprise - a huge cock. Wicked. We
    reckon the Turner Prize is in the bag.
http://www.spiny.org/b3ta/hoover_art/


  * "I LOVE HORSES" CRAP INTERVIEW - we found
    the The Bagel Brothers, the chaps who wrote
    the equine jingle that did the rounds. We
    asked them for an interview and they gave
    us really crap one word answers. Silly
    monkeys. 


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * MADAME CURIE'S PERIODIC TABLE OF BLOB
    EUPHEMISMS - Pb / Plum butter,
    Mg / Menstrual gush.


  * ROBOT HAND-JOBS - convert those huge robot
    arms used in car factories into advanced
    wanking devices. Maybe with a conveyor
    belt for the happy customers.


  * SONIC WEAPONS FOR PHONES - warning: don't
    set as ring-tone. May cause internal
    haemorrhaging and involuntary bowel evacuation.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Jinx, ginmakesamanmean,
  whedonesque, Daffydil, Hapax Legomena and
  Max Smethurst.
  Top Tippery by Wifey.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the baby b4ta monkeys. (71942)

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  TOP TIP:
  To avoid milk boiling over, rub some butter
  round the top of the pan. The milk won't go
  higher than the butter. This is because of
  science.

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