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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 120: "WE LOVE HORSES"

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This Week:
* GAME - Haggis tossing
* ANIM - Come to Kenya
* VIDEO - Jelly wrestling

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 120 - 30 Jan 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue120/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
   Lions & Tigers, Haggis, Student Food & Space

   >> Haggis hurling challenge <<
   Everyone knows that haggises are furry
   little creatures that live in the hills of
   Scotchland. Eclectech has made a Flash
   simulation of what is obviously an ancient,
   and very cute, Scottish sport.
http://holistech.co.uk/haggis.php


   >> Come to Kenya <<
   Weebl's talent has been growing like a marrow.
   Now we reap the bounteous harvest. These little
   lions and tigers are the best you'll ever see
   and the jingle is insanely catchy. We only
   hope the Kenyan Tourist Board is paying
   attention. Jonti says he'll swap all rights for
   two zebras. He's pregnant and needs the meat.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/29/


   >> Student cooking tips <<
   Baffled by beans? Taxed by toast? Negated
   by potatoes? Paul Silver is the man to
   help you. He must have all of four weeks'
   experience advantage over you, but he's
   willing to share his hard-won wisdom. Bless.
http://www.CookingWithStudents.co.uk


   >> Cheap space documentary <<
   Craig Robinson is a master of making cool
   stuff look easy. Most recently you might have
   seen his Minipops quiz. Now he turns his pixelly
   hand to documentary film-making. You can barely
   see the budgetary restrictions.
http://www.flipflopflyin.com/cheapthings/cheapspacedocumentary/


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: B3TA RADIO
   Irrational Fears

   This week we've been asking about the stuff
   that shouldn't scare you but does. Like
   turning your back on a flushing loo. Blimey.
   Put on your tinfoil hats and have a read.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/irrationalfears/

   You can learn more about b3ta radio and how
   to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
   Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

   >> Pilled-up dolphin coin-feast <<
   There isn't much to this game, except the
   release of near-fatal doses of adrenaline into
   your cortex through massive audio-visual mayhem.
   It's like sex meets rock - on drugs. Oh yeah
   and there's a dolphin, but don't let that put
   you off your stroke. We found it an advantage.
http://www.mausland.de/dolphin.swf


   >> Are you mad? <<
   Ostensibly an online survey on your favourite
   celebrity, the questions rapidly make you feel
   uncomfortable, with their unspoken assumption
   that you are actually a stalker. That this is
   an authentic piece of research for Leicester
   University makes it all the more creepy. But
   that's okay - Brian May will make everything
   alright again, like a rock Jesus.
http://www.le.ac.uk/pc/rtg/celebrity/celebrity1.html


   >> Glitter-alike <<
   Gary Glitter look-alike: The question we have
   to ask is, does this bloke get any work? And
   doing what, for God's sakes? Perhaps he could
   endorse PC World. That would make them as happy
   as a man with two cocks. Hooray.
http://www.splitting-images.com/gary_glitter.html


   >> Very simple game <<
   Keep the red block from touching any
   of the blue blocks. Intricate motor control
   needed - like fucking a mouse's ear. We
   lasted 13.488 seconds.
http://www.polyhex.com/misc/dodge.htm


   >> Music map <<
   Maps are great. You can use them to find buried
   treasure. This map lets you find music related
   to bands you like. And you'll always strike gold.
   Er, if you look up Spandau Ballet, anyway.
   A brilliant use of the Amazon API.
http://www.musicplasma.com/


   >> Auto-Sorry <<
   In need of a scapegoat? Pressed for time?
   Politicians, business men, kiddie fiddlers
   - this site will sincerely apologise for
   anything you tell it to.
http://www.nobodyhere.com/justme/apologies.here


   >> Worm battleships <<
   Battleships, but with worms. Yup. That's
   about it. But we like Battleships. It's
   like Counterstrike, but with a very
   slow graphics card.
http://snipurl.com/46lg


   >> Chav-bashing forums <<
   Poor people - ever worry that the internet will
   become a middle-class enclave? See what they're
   saying behind your back - and reply. Some
   interesting stuff, actually, and worth a read.
http://snipurl.com/46lh


   >> Horsey jingle - hard to avoid <<
   Do you love horses? We do now, after listening
   to this tune 1,000 million times. Hmm.
   We're about due to love horses some more now.
http://www.deagostini.co.uk/ilovehorses/


   >> Cutting-edge watch: 1983 <<
   The power of a personal computer, but in a
   wristwatch. Madness, you say? No - just
   feast your eyes on this remarkable folly
   of the eighties. A wrist-sized white elephant.
http://cdecas.free.fr/computers/pocket/uc2000.php


   >> 28-hour day <<
   Doesn't sound very appealing, until you get to
   the part about abolishing Mondays. A 28-hour
   day could be a more modern and efficient use
   of time. On the other hand, it might kill you.
   So, ideally, we'd like someone to test it for us.
http://www.dbeat.com/28/


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
   Panda babies

   Fact: They don't have thumbs.
   Fact: The Chinese call them "Giant Cat Bears."
   Fact: Baby pandas are cute.
http://www.liu.edu/cwis/cwp/library/exhibits/panda/panda.htm

   BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
   the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
   Cows, Pants, Misheard Lyrics & Jelly Porn

   >> Cow! Cube! Cowuuuuube! <<
   Cows - they don't tesselate very well. Joel
   Veitch has the ideal solution. Watch the
   Zoology Dragon and learn.
http://www.rathergood.com/zoology/


   >> Pants in a can <<
   Phiblo and Adny would like you to buy some
   pants in a can. What can we say? The ad
   sold it to us, but the actual merchandise
   looked a bit dodgy. Bit like Ferrero Rocher.
http://www.imstupid.co.uk/twistedmindz/jeffrypants/index.html


   >> Misheard lyrics animation <<
   "Hey, I'm 14," writes Pmh_rmhax. We immediately
   thought his work would be shit. But it isn't.
   It's good. See:
http://www.grimmoire.com/flash/bootilicious.swf


   >> Jelly wrestling <<
   Kourosism writes, "We, um, borrowed a
   paddling pool from Homebase, and a ton of
   jelly, and set up in the back garden. This
   video was the result." It all looks like fun,
   but we'd like to have seen the custard shot.
http://www.angelfire.com/space/usenet/images/Movie.wmv


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
   Results from the Inanimate Sex Challenge

   Each week we run a competition to test your
   creative skills. We set a challenge and you
   open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

   Last week we wanted inanimate objects going
   at it some:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/inanimatesex/

   We asked B3ta boarder 'Sick Boy' to judge the
   entries - here are his 3 faves.

   Sick Boy writes -

   #1 "Café latte - While most of the entries
      involved shameless humping (not that this
      is in any way a bad thing) this one stood
      out for its subtlety. The spoon relaxing
      the second it finishes made me giggle too.
      (Fragger)
http://b3ta.com/board/2669075

   #2 "Hard Core Bakery Action - The facial
      expressions make this one.  You can't help
      but smile along with them! (Razor)
http://b3ta.com/board/2668650

   #3 "Scissoring hot action - Good imagination
      shown here, I will never be able to look at
      scissors in the same way again. This also
      reminded me of a special interest Danish
      language film I once saw." (baroo_the_cat)
http://b3ta.com/board/2682997


   "Special mention has to go to E.Parsley for
   managing to get seven (count them, seven)
   innuendoes in the one picture. I doff my cap
   to you sir!"
http://b3ta.com/board/2674399


   >> This Week's Challenge <<

   This week, b3ta contributor Supermoore gave us
   the suggestion, "Daily Mail World"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dailymailworld/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
   Follow-ups on previous stories.

   * B3TA PARTY RAFFLE - we've had loads of stuff
     sent in already. Get in touch with pep@b3ta.com
     if you'd like to contribute. Oh, and damning
     heck, make sure you come to the party on the
     13th of February.
http://www2.b3ta.com/party/valentine.gif


   * BULLETS WITH OUR NAMES ON - we asked for this
     a few weeks back. We didn't expect people
     to get in touch with an offer. Be careful
     what you wish for, kids.


   * WES CHERRY INTERVIEW SLASHDOTTED - we love
     Slashdot, it's where proper nerds hang out
     complaining, "Even a child of ten should be
     able to write standards compliant XML" and
     "This Speak & Spell doesn't support Ogg
     Vorbis. The fools will crumble without my
     business." Anyway, we're proud to get a
     mention.
http://games.slashdot.org/games/04/01/29/0542251.shtml


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

   Make something cool and tell us about it. If
   you are in it then people will see your stuff.

   Things we'd really like to see include

   * WHATS-THAT-SONG-ABOUT.COM - someone sent us
     a Tori Amos CD the other day. Frankly she's
     as mad as badgers. Lyrics like "Father, I
     killed my monkey" beggar belief. Anyway,
     we think a nice community site dedicated
     to finding the definitive explanations
     of song lyrics would be both useful,
     interesting and a big gay web hit. Get on
     it people.

   * FREE B3TA SEARCH - our site now has over
     3 million pages on it. Fuck. Does anybody
     work for a search engine company that
     would be prepared to write us a custom
     engine in exchange for a link going
     "powered by monkeysearch?"

   * A LITTLE NOTE - from the government that
     makes us director-generals of the BBC.

   Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

   BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
   been featured then don't be put off - we look
   at everything you send us.


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   THANKS:

   This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
   David Stevenson.
   Links sent in by Rob T Firefly, KevanW,
   Felix / Blackspike, Andye / Bizarrecreations,
   Ben Braine, Paul Pollock, Geoff / Tabbron,
   Matthew Boxall and Emily Hodgkinson
   Top Tippery by Rogan.
   Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
   Board research by Fnord.
   Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
   Proofing by the kvetching b4ta rabbis. (73883)

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   TOP TIP:
   If your fridge breaks down you can sometimes
   fix it by leaving it upside down overnight.
   (When the motor stops pumping the coolant around,
   leaving it upside down resettles it and it
   sometimes starts working again. Sometimes.)

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