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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 118: "LIES YOUR PARENTS TOLD"

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This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Wes Cherry speaks
* QUIZ - Celebrity Dustbin
* WEIRDO - From flabby to freak

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 118 - 16 Jan 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue118/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: B3TA VALENTINE(ish) PARTY
  13th Feb, London

  Huzzah. Open your diaries. Get scribbling for
  it's nearly time for another of our legendary
  parties.

  It's being held at Babushka on the Caledonian
  Road. We'll be giving you a flyer with a map
  next week. Oooh - we can hardly wait.


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK 
  Interview, Dustbin, Bunny, Thing and Clay

  >> Interview with a legend <<
  Wes Cherry. Never heard of him? Well, he's only
  the creator of the most played
  computer game ever written. Solitaire for
  Windows, installed on hundreds of millions
  of machines World-wide.

  Responsible for more lost man hours than booze,
  fags and sex on the photocopier. He's a
  legend, we salute him, we're not worthy,
  now we give you the one, the only... Wes Cherry!
http://www.b3ta.com/interview/solitaire/


  >> Celebrity dustbin <<
  The world was crying out for a web quiz based
  on celebrity dustbin raiding. Cometh the
  hour, cometh the man. Brian Mung: We bask
  again in the warm glow of your unique genius.
http://www.brianmung.com/celebritepoubelle.htm


  >> Dancing Bunnyman <<
  Hip-hop. Bunnies. Humiliation. This one's got
  it all. Elisse Hamu has made an extremely
  good animation about someone not dancing
  very well at all.
http://www.crimsonskycreations.com/bunnyman8.html


  >> The Thing that waits <<
  "Stupid and pointless animations are my
  cup of tea," writes Lazarus. You make a 
  lovely cuppa, say we.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=143516


  >> Surrealist claymation spectacular <<
  Kvetching plasticine-wrangling genius
  Threeheadedanalbaby and friend produced
  this rather fine specimen. Like Wallace
  & Gromit directed by David Cronenberg.
http://home.earthlink.net/~chase900/jewish512.wmv


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: B3TA RADIO
  Did your parents ever lie to you?

  This week we're after the fibs that your mum
  and dad told you when you were a gullible
  child. Read this stuff - it's fantastic.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/liesyourparentstoldyou/

  Also; Noted web raconteur and wit ScaryDuck
  will be joining us in the studio for a chat.

  You can learn more about b3ta Radio and how
  to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/


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: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> From flabby to freak <<
  Last year this chap made a vow to physically
  transform himself into a vision of masculine
  beauty. He lost weight, worked out, bought a
  medallion, shaved his chest and displayed an
  interesting array of pants in his daily photo
  journal. Boyz Magazine: You will like this.
http://www.johnstonefitness.com/all/front/w.html


  >> Escape from Neverland <<
  Jacko: His last album was shit. He's not down
  with the kids anymore, is he? Perhaps this
  web game will help him out with that. We
  scored 5. Then got bored.
http://www.zooass.com/games/neverland/neverland.swf


  >> Ovenready apartment <<
  Is a tinfoil hat not keeping the alien brain
  lasers out? Take a leaf out of this fellow's
  book and safeguard your sanity by wrapping
  every single item in your house with aluminium
  foil. It took him five days. Can you do better? *
http://www.meetluke.com/NxAlbumImageThumbnailView.asp?number=91


  >> Airline food photos <<
  About to go on holiday? Worried about
  the food? See 10,000 photos that explain
  why air rage exists.  
http://airlinemeals.net/indexMeals.html


  >> Harmonica beatbox <<
  The art of good blowjob is 'circular
  breathing' - to keep blowing whilst
  inhaling. We'd like this bloke's
  number. Warning: Big download - but
  we have a fat pipe.  
http://memelo.julianors.org/yuri_harmonica.swf


  >> Powerpoint mum <<
  A woman's advice to her husband, who is about
  to babysit their child for the first time.
  It's in the only language men understand:
  Online animation.
http://www.gnjallen.com/daddy.htm


  >> Ludicrous motorbike <<
  Monster trucks make you look like a real man.
  Why not convert your motorbike the same way?
  The answer is here: It will make you look like
  a tiny wee child, particularly since it needs
  stabilisers to stay upright. Jessies.
http://www.uq.net.au/~zzlhiess/Big%20Toe.htm


  >> Photoshopping - no such thing <<
  Photoshopping photoshopping photoshopping
  Photoshopping photoshopping photoshopping.
  Adobe says we're not allowed to say this.
  Hee hee hee. We are so naughty. So sue us
  already, you big electric cat.
http://www.adobe.com/misc/trade.html#photoshop


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Bats In Bed

  Simply the cutest thing we've seen this
  week. Poorly baby bats tucked up nice
  and warm in a special bat hospital.
http://www.athertontablelands.com/bats/

  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Come-Back TV Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted limp TV vehicles for
  has-been celebs:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/comebacktv/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'Sue Denham' to judge the
  entries - here are her 3 faves.

  Sue writes -


  #1 "B&Q's latest recruit - the pathos and sheer
     desperation evident on this chap's face is a
     joy to behold. #sniff# (Shatner's Bassoon)
http://b3ta.com/board/2601867

  #2 "Happy Days - it's probably a good thing Adolf
     didn't grow old - imagine asking him what he 
     did in the war. (themanwhofellasleep)
http://b3ta.com/board/2602109

  #3 "Postman Chat - simply perfect. Pat has the
     concerned-tv-show-host look down, well, pat."
     (wilesy)
http://b3ta.com/board/2608426


  >> This Weeks Challenge <<

  This week, a whole bunch of our contributors
  gave us the suggestion, "Inappropriate
  Endorsements"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/endorsements/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * IRC BIBLE HIT - last weeks conversion of
    the scriptures into AOL-lamer speak has
    proved rather popular with the blogging
    community, reaching top 5 in the Blogdex
    charts. If you missed it then give it a read.
http://www.ircbible.destrukto-theater.nl/


  * WEEBL TALKS TO M.I.T - Jonti has been asked
    to give a chat about web comics at a
    university in Boston. They're flying him over
    too. Lucky sod.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * TOP TIP TESTING - you don't have to be a
    web guru to join in with b3ta. Anyone with
    a camera and a gay turn of phrase could
    test our tips. Go on. Live a little.

  * A BULLET WITH OUR NAMES ON IT - if we
    own it, they can't kill us do you see?

  * AN MP3 OF SHEMALE GENERATION - by the
    eponymous Gallic transsexual pop trio.
    There's only a ten-second preview on their
    site and we want to play it on the radio.
http://www.shemale-legroupe.com/


  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS: 

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by TomARSE, Vidi, Hapax Legomena
  & Murray (of Commercial Breaks & Beats fame,
  and oddly enough, Tracey "Fooking Amateurs"
  MacLeod's favourite website.)
  Top Tippery by Jada.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the sexual b4ta conquistadors.
  (73266)

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  TOP TIP:
  Having trouble cleaning pots and pans? Get
  some dead leaves from the garden and boil
  them up for 15 to 20 minutes. Scrub the pan
  with the leaves and it should come up nice
  and clean. If not, at least you've made a
  nourishing soup.

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