we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 107: "TOM BAKER SWEARS. LIVE IN YOUR INBOX"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* B3TA KIDS - A link for the toddlers
* OLD GAME SPESH - Three retro games spazzed up
* POTTERY - Lionel Richie tribute in clay

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web ... together"

B3ta email 107 - 3 Oct 2003

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue107/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK 
  
  >> Frankenstein's Monster <<
  Mr Wheatley has been riffing on the legend of
  Frankenstein and come up with this amusing
  variation. The style is quite unusual for flash,
  with a nice pay off too.
http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/barnabystales.html


  >> Mixmaster Woof <<
  "This is my dog Jack," chirrups Geoff,
  "The picture is really him and the barking
  sounds are his voice." Yay. Got a few giggles
  from us. Do any of our other readers have
  such talented pets?
http://www.substanceoverform.com/misc/jackdog.html


  >> Wobbly drawings <<
  "I have just put together a little site,"
  coos Amaryllis, "showing the collection of
  animations I have made." Gosh. These aren't
  belly laughs but the technique is simply charming.
http://www.sketchyanimation.com/


  >> French pop <<
  "Alors!" gesticulates Sev, "remember the toy
  dog singing disgusting French pop? We've made
  another one singing a beautiful James Brown
  song." We love the summery style on this. Huzzah
  for Europe. Where would we be without it?
http://www.magentaprod.com/machineasex.ram


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA KIDS
  Send this link to a small child

  >> Octopus's Garden <<
  "I've made a cartoon for my daughter,"
  confides Darryn.R, "based around the Beatles
  song Octopus's Garden."

  We asked the nicecupofteaandasitdown
  children what they thought:

  "Thumbs up from the boys," writes TheWife,
  "they interrupted their bedtime story to watch
  it."

  "George (age 3) observed that you don't get
  flowers or birds under the sea, but you can get
  monsters. Art (age 2) bopped and thinks the
  octopus is huge. Can they have Maxwell's Silver
  Hammer next?"
http://www.darlingonline.com/garden.html


-------------------------------------------------

: RETRO GAME RE-MAKE CORNER

  This week b3ta people have been remaking old
  games in their inimitable style.  

  >> Luna Lander <<
  "I've made a Lunar Lander clone," bleeps
  Chad, "cleverly titled Asteroid Lander."
  Yay. This looks utterly lovely and is 
  extraordinarily tricky to play.
http://oakenfold.ca/content/spaceship.html


  >> DHTML Boulderdash <<
  Following on from the recent web hit DHTML
  Lemmings, Gareth Williams brings you his
  version of the rock dodging classic
  Boulderdash. 
http://www.boulderdash.co.uk


  >> Asteroids with Cocks <<
  Thanks to Mr Wheatley for updating gaming
  classic Asteroids with the cunning addition
  of burps and penises.
http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/spacecocks.html


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF #1
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Tom Baker swears <<
  Yay. We hear that Doctor Who is coming back on
  telly. Of course it'll be shit and and annoy
  all the fans. Duh. But fuck that. For this is
  a golden age: the moment of perfect anticipation
  before disappointment. Celebrate in style
  with these outtakes of Tom Baker doing v/o on
  an advert. Favourite line? "Are you sure this
  is not a translation from the fucking Albanian?"
  A showbiz trouper until the last. We salute Tom.
http://snurl.com/2jto


  >> Lionel Richie clay head <<
  Remember the video to Hello? The nice blind 
  lady modelled Lionel's head in clay. How
  romantic. This man attempts to do the same.
  But he's crap at pottery. The final result
  is beautifully cack-handed - looking like
  a monster from Buffy.
http://www.macalester.edu/~harman/lionel/


  >> Bear on a trampoline <<
  Yay for animal interest stories. This
  poor bear got stuck up a tree. The best
  way to get him down? Apparently shooting
  him with a tranquilizer dart and letting him
  fall onto a trampoline! Oh - we're saying
  too much. Watch the mpeg.
http://www.komotv.com/qt/bouncing_bear.mpg


  >> Gaming nostalgia vid <<
  Weren't the 80s great? If we weren't snorting
  Tip-Ex thinner, we were phoning up the operator
  and singing Sade songs. Relive the decade with
  old arcade game jump animations set to the
  synth rock of Van Halen. Mighty.
http://www.powerstrike.net/Tehkan/mamejump.html


  >> "Please hold" voice-over megamix <<
  This is utterly great. Don't ask us why.
  It kept us giggling for about 10 minutes
  playing with all the options. ...and even offers
  a wealth of agricultural haulage solutions.
http://www.pleasehold.co.uk/musicvoice.htm


  >> Social hygiene poster <<
  Teenagers eh? If they aren't carjacking
  BMXs or injecting marijuana into their
  spines, they're spunking spunk sauce onto
  their bedsheets. This 1920s US health poster
  knows the score. BTW: If you cover the chin
  with your thumb - he looks like Gary Barlow.
  Try it. That's interactive entertainment.
http://digital.lib.umn.edu/IMAGES/reference/swhp/SWHP0016.jpg


-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY FOREIGN NAME CORNER

  One thing the web throws up is people with
  stupid names. Last year the kids were going
  wild for Randy Bender. This year? Let us
  introduce you to your new heroes:

  >> Martin Wank <<
  Want something to read? Try "Sex, Freud and
  Folly" from Martin Wank. The Amazon reviews
  are pretty much what you'd expect: "With this
  seminal work, the author demonstrates his firm
  grasp of the subject. Although he tosses off
  the occasional cliche..." Etc. Etc.
http://snurl.com/2jrz


  >> Gaye Males <<
  Not much info on the site but apparently she's
  got "eighteen years experience and professional
  approach with clients." Hoorah for Gaye Males.
  We adore Gaye Males. Etc. Etc. 
http://www.coldwellbankerpbr.com/males/


  BTW: Honourable mention must go to David
  Lynch's assistant, Gaye Pope.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF #2
  More stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Gallery of "misused" quotation marks <<
  This is old but gold. A catalogue of
  inappropriately used quotation marks.
  Manages to make most things sound like
  some sort of disgusting euphemism.
  Despite this, our favourite one?
  "No dogs" permitted.
http://www.juvalamu.com/qmarks/


  >> Comb-over gallery <<
  Bored of mullets? We hope you are. That was so
  Grand Royal '92. The hip kids are clicking
  on the comb-overs now. Next year? Nostril hair.
http://www.combovers.co.uk/gall5.html


  >> ShockCase (tm) <<
  Last week we brought you the briefcase that
  doubled as body armour. This issue's
  'briefcase of the week' delivers a 50,000
  volt shock to thieves via a remote control.
  Shame it looks like something Adrian Mole
  would have taken to school. Or is that
  just a cunning ruse?
http://www.espymall.com/remconshocbr.html


  >> Greenpeace ad <<
  "Check out this latest Greenpeace film,"
  brags Lale Gurel of Greenpeace, "about how
  to ward off an alien." Blimey - a corporate
  viral thing that's actually funny. Features
  Eddie Izzard, which may be why.
http://www.greenpeace.org.uk/aliens/watch.htm


  >> Hypnotic wankfest <<
  When a man buys a graphics tablet the first
  thing he draws is a penis. Posh kids that buy
  Flash animate them to full wanking glory.
  Yay - for this is web creativity at its finest.
http://www.otogai.com/gallery/masterbater.swf


  >> Make your own iPod <<
  Are you too povo to buy an iPod? We're not.
  We've got a whole house built of iPod bricks.
  Want to be like us? Simply print out this
  page and wrap it round a fag packet. You'll
  get so much sex you'll literally explode.
http://www.mijnkopthee.nl/images/cheap_ipod.jpg


  >> Teddy bear toy <<
  Imagine a world where you could pile
  teddy on teddy in a huge triangular formation
  and then topple them like cards. Imagine not.
  Live your dream of teddy bear Valhalla:
http://www.nobodyhere.com/toren.hier


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE 
  Results from the Conjoined Celebrity Challenge 

  Each week we run a competition to test your 
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you 
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads. 

  Last week we wanted badly glued together celebs, 
  and we weren't disappointed: 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/conjoined/ 

  We asked b3ta boarder 'popt_art' to judge the 
  entries - here are her 3 faves. 

  Ms Art writes - 

  #1 "Shakin' Stephen Hawkings - It really does 
  make you wonder, just what was behind that 
  green door? Actually, I'd love to hear a 
  Shakey song done in Stephen Hawkings voice. 
  (VampireMonkeyOnSpeed) 
http://b3ta.com/board/2070935 

  #2 "Arafatboy Slim - Out of over 1170 images, 
  one of a handful that actually made me laugh 
  out loud.. (Okeechobee) 
http://b3ta.com/board/2045631 

  #3 "Kenneth William Shatner - Matron!!!!" (stefd) 
http://b3ta.com/board/2049887 

  "Oh, and this is a pretty awful photoshop, carried 
  out with massive aplomb that made me laugh
  like a loon. Respect to Mr. Sheep and the 
  Michael Bolton Wanderers" 
http://b3ta.com/board/2060921 


  >> This Week's Challenge << 

  This week, a shadowy black-clad figure crept up 
  behind us, held a thousand year old hand-wrought 
  blade to our throat and gently whispered "Ninjas" 
  before slipping back into the darkness. 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ninjas/ 


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * DIALOGUE-BASED ANIMATED COMEDY - it's tricky
    to pull off but if you crack it then, quite
    frankly, the world will beat a path to your
    door. Using dirty great piles of cash to do it.

  * LEGO FUCK MACHINES - every other type of
    porn has been done. Well not bukkake.
    Hmmm. Lego bukkake...

  * AMAZON API STUFF - there's a ton of 
    data to mess with. Codey types: Have a
    think about this stuff. It's all to play for.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS: 
  This issue was edited by Hugh Janus with 
  Ullick McHunt.
  Links sent in by Kirsty Jardine, Zombiemonkey,
  Paul Harper, Jon F, dustjunky, acidman,
  Grey Triggerfish, Kimbal, Brendan Collins
  and Scott Randall.
  Top tippery from WhoElse.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the remixed b4ta badgers. (70385)

-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  If someone in your household has a flu, reduce
  the risk of infection for others by leaving half
  a fresh onion about. Apparently it'll draw the
  bacteria out of the air. Something to do with
  sugars, we're told. Replace as needed.
  Alternatively, you could just slaughter them
  and burn their carcasses in your lounge.

next issue »
« previous issue